Lie To Me
by Razzmataz
Summary: Lily is dating James. Snape is in love with Lily. He's also a Death Eater. James hates Snape. This... whilst classes and homework must be done? The drama of 7th year Hogwarts. SEVLILY. CH17 SOON.
1. That'll Show Him

**Hey all. This is the rather small and introductory chapter to what will hopefully become a long story following Sev/Lily throughout their last three years at Hogwarts, and will try to stick to canon as much as pos...**

**I fell in love with Sev/Lily in the Prince's Tale chapter in DH, as so many did. Anyway, Snape has always been my favourite character. So in this fic he will be portrayed as I think he was - sure, the angst and quiet refrain - but also the arrogance and, well - sex appeal that most Slytherins have!**

**Anyway, please R&R because this is actually my first fic! x**

* * *

"What're you doing?" Sirius whispered, an insatiable excitement buzzing in his tone. 

"Just watch." James replied through the corner of his mouth, beginning to whisper incantations under his breath and drawing his wand out from his pocket.

Remus shook his head, slightly aghast at his friends – just how far was James' crush on Lily going to go? It had been _five years_ already. Peter looked on, dotingly as always.

Snape glanced towards the back of the dark potions dungeon, a gaggle of giggling Gryffindors girls drawing his attention. He often wondered how Lily could have been sorted into Gryffindor – how different she was from her friends, who merely gossiped and fawned over the much afformented _Marauders_. Snape didn't care much for the waste of space that was Pettigrew, and on occasion was actually grateful for Lupin's presence – he was all to aware that his life in Hogwarts would have been even worse – if that were possible – if it were not for the disdainful, though half-hearted, interventions of Lupin against his friends when it came to what could only be described as unprovoked attacks on Snape… 'Snivellus', as it were. Lupin didn't partake in the use of that particularly charming nickname. _Then again_, he thought, the heat boiling up inside his chest, _anyone who cherishes the existence of Black and Potter are equally useless and loathsome_.

Well, except Lily, of course.

Snape glanced sideways at Lily, as inconspicuously as he could, and regarded her long locks of fire red hair, which were presently spilling down in front of her shoulders, getting in the way of her slender hands as she tried to chop up inches of mandrake root, bent over, the other side of their shared cauldron.

That shared cauldron. He both loved it and loathed it. It had been what initially brought them together - what sealed their friendship that had begun in youth and that flourished throughout their first four years at Hogwarts. It was October, and the year had just begun - they had resumed their successful partnership in Potions, much to the delight of old Slughorn, and much to the dismay of Potter. In September Snape had determined to avoid Potter and his gang as much as possible. A month had past. He had duelled Black twice already, Potter five times, and four of the seven times Snape had ended up in a full body bind - what he could only assume was the culmination of the limited magic of Potter and his gang. Snape knew he was more talented than Potter in almost every aspect, not least of all at Potions. He smiled furtively at Lily and their bubbling cauldron. Yes; it certainly gave them over three hours a week of bonding time, but then again, as they both occupied adjascent seats, it took up the space between them. Without that space, Snape would be within grabbing and grasping and kissing and caressing and _Merlin, he was losing it distance_ to Lily, who had admittedly... _developed_... rather alarmingly over the Summer.

Lily sighed for what he estimated was the twenty third time that class, dropped the roots and her cutting knife unceremoniously and reeled up, struggling to fix her hair behind her ears.

"Maybe I should cut it all off for you." Snape chortled – he could not deny that her annoyance was extremely endearing – _cute_.

"Try it, and you'll find yourself floating in the lake, hexed." Lily shot back.

"I was under the impression that we had settled this last time," Snape began, now grinning devilishly. "When it comes to you and I; your wand against mine; time and time again you will find yourself utterly fuc-".

He was stopped short as the phial of hellebore juice he was testing shattered into pieces, the glass and the juice smashing onto the table – covering both Snape's hands, and, much to Snape's fury – he saw a piece of glass fly through the air and cut Lily's cheek.

From the back of the dungeon came roars of laughter. Sirius was bent over his desk at the look of disgust and contempt that had etched itself onto Snape's long, sallow face, and the gaggle of girls who spent their days cooing over the foursome were laughing appreciatively. Snape began to turn, his hand groping for his wand – but it was too late – as a mop that Potter had undoubtedly cursed came flying from the wall and hit Snape, stinking foam and grease smattering his face, which was already beginning to erupt into boils from the exposure to the hellebore juice.

Professor Slughorn finally caught up and acknowledged the mischief going on in his class, and with a wave of his wand cleared the glass and juice from Snape, who had finally managed to find his wand and was pointing it at Potter's head, seething with fury.

"Mr. Snape…" Slughorn said in an attempt at the authority which he clearly lacked over the class. "Please lower your wand, any bickering will be reserved for outside my classroom, unless, regrettably, you _want_ a detention."

No-one was listening to him. Silence had fallen over the fifth-years, who began to inch towards the walls, out of the firing line – some of them looking worried, some even fearful – and of course, like Sirius – some grinning.

"Give me a reason, Potter" Snape hissed, "and I swear I will."

Potter, whose own wand was also pointed at Snape, looked on with the same contempt, but also with a hint of panic of which Snape was devoid. Snape was able to notice this, after the countless times they had squared off in the past. The panic was a new feature to Potter's usual arrogance and cockiness. And Snape knew that it was because Potter had got wind of Snape's new hobby – the studying and occasionally, the practise of, the Dark Arts.

"Worried I might debase that pretty little face of yours, Potter? Wouldn't that be a shame…" Snape sneered. Snape envisioned using his newly created spell, titled 'Sectumsempra' - and for a second his eyes glazed over, fantasizing about Potter dropping to the floor, blood spurting from his very poures, his nose and mouth, screaming for mercy...

_Don't be so ridiculous_, Snape told himself. He had only made the spell with the view of impressing Lucius Malfoy and friends. Not even Potter was worthy of its destruction.

"Severus," Slughorn began imploringly.

"I'd say the same to you, Snivellus, but there's not much to debase, is there? Mummy clearly wasn't much of a looker."

"DON'T YOU DARE MENTION MY MOTHER!" Snape roared, and through his wand shot flashing red light, which sent Potter flying backwards, into an empty cauldron, a dull thud being heard as he sank to the floor.

Several students gasped. Snape didn't move. Lily reached out a hand and squeezed Snape's outstretched arm.

"_Sev_…"

Snape immediately softened, despite himself, and quickly picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder, not even glancing at the shocked Slughorn, his favourite teacher to whom he was eternally grateful, or the swearing Potter on the ground. His face now beginning to ache from boils, he felt too ashamed to even look at Lily, who watched him sadly as he flew by and out of the dungeon, towards – she hoped, the hospital wing, and not his Slytherin companions who she knew would relish the smallest excuse to take on James' gang.

A collective sigh of relief fell over the class. Slughorn massaged his forehead.

"Evans, aren't you even gonna' come over here to kiss me better?" Lily heard James say from his position on the floor.

"Shut up, you bastard." Was all Lily could muster – her mind was elsewhere.

"I will!" Came the reply from an attractive fellow Gryffindor, Jynea Vermont, which triggered predictable banter from Sirius.

"Don't bother with him, Jy, I'm all yours!"

Lily rolled her eyes and wished Severus was there to share her disdain. She hoped he wouldn't lash out over this – recently, his and James' spouts had been getting more and more heated, and she knew he was starting to blame her.

"Professor?" Lily began. "Please may I be excused? I'm really not feeling well."

Slughorn looked up from behind his desk at her knowingly. He had been watching the relationship between two of his finest students grow for the past five years. He smiled at Lily, and nodded – he had be the one to put these two together as potions partners at the very beginning, so who was he to get in the way of what was doubtlessly blossoming into an increasingly important partnership?

Lily smiled back gratefully. She escaped the dungeon, exiting to James' songful pleadings – "_Evans! If you leave me now, you take away the biggest part of me! Ooh ooh ooooh no, baby please – Evans! Hey, Evans!_"

"Toerag." Lily muttered.


	2. Liasons

**Chapter 2: Under The Oak Tree**

**Please R&R! As said, this is my first ever fic:)**

**Oh and I'm not entirely sure where I want this to go - I'm wholly unfamiliar with fic writing, so it's difficult deciding. I'm honestly completely open to ideas. So MAKE SUGGESTIONS, please!**

**Also... Madam Pomfrey? Love. Just.. LOVE!**

* * *

Lily reached the hospital wing almost ten minutes later. She cursed the school for being so damn big. She entered hopefully, to the amusing sight of Madam Pomfrey dabbing at Snape's face with a deep purple coloured cloth. Slowly, she noted, the boils were disappearing, as Snape winced, though looking away from Madam Pomfrey as to hide it, of course.

Lily let the door close behind her and approached the two of them slowly. Snape's head shot around as he heard the door swing shut and involuntarily stepped away from Madam Pomfrey, as if his treatment would do him discredit to whoever saw them. When he saw it was Lily, though, his body relaxed, and he raised his eyebrows into a comic disapproval of Lily.

"Missing class again, Lily. Your dearest Slughorn will not be pleased…" Snape said, turning his head back towards Madam Pomfrey.

"It's you. You're a bad influence on me." Lily accompanied this with an odd smile that was new to Snape.

"I like the sound of that…" Snape flashed a grin at Lily coolly, trying to stomach the nerves surging through him.

Madam Pomfrey stifled a snort.

"All done!" She announced, as the cloth disappeared in her hand. "Now Mr. Snape… Thankfully we got to the boils quick enough, so they will not scar or even leave any marks. But make sure you drink plenty of nettle tea which is-"

"Tea?!" Lily cut her off, laughing.

"_Yes_," Madam Pomfrey continued, "Nettle tea. There is always a supply served in the Great Hall over breakfast." She transfigured a black flask and passed it to Snape. "Fill it up and drink it over the course of the day, daily, for a week."

Snape looked dubious.

Lily came behind him and put her hands on his shoulders. "I'll make sure he does, Madam Pomfrey! Thanks!" She began to steer him out.

Madam Pomfrey nodded, before seeing the gash on Lily's cheek. "Don't you want me to clean that for you…?" She said, just as Snape and Lily reached the door. Lily reeled around, and Snape caught a glimpse of the cut, which was still trickling blood. Anger surged up within him. Hate couldn't describe what he felt at that moment towards Potter. He could have killed him.

"No thanks, Madam Pomfrey! I'll be fine!" She said, continuing out the door. Snape followed her, not bothering to watch where she was leading him, his brow furrowed with concern.

He finally stopped her when he found them leaving the courtyard for the lake and grounds.

"Lily, we still have another forty minutes of Potions left!" Snape said.

Lily turned around to face him, still moving backwards to wherever their destination was, and the last of the summer sun caught her almond shaped, green eyes. The green eyes that Snape loved so dearly. Her flowing red hair was intensified by the glowing sun. Snape was taken aback for a minute, and had to close his mouth after a few moments with embarrassment creeping into his cheeks.

"As much as you fancy Slughorn, wouldn't you prefer to spend some time with me?" Lily shrugged innocently.

Snape shook his head. "The reason you get by, in Potions, is your skill at the elusive eye-fluttering, hair-fiddling combination."

Lily swivelled on the spot and carried on walking, bounding in the sunlight. "Are you calling me a flirt, Severus Snape?" She called back.

Snape wasn't sure when they had become like this – what he _was_ sure of, was that he had been finding it increasingly difficult to function normally around Lily. To focus on anything _but_ Lily. When he had first met her, at the tender age of ten, she had been a toothy, short, but sweet girl. Now, he couldn't help but avoid to notice, she was, well… Practically a woman. Or at least she looked like one. In fact, he concluded, she was more developed for her age than most – many of her friends still had that look of youth about them, whilst Lily had a certain sultry elegance, which when she focused onto Snape… When she, he shivered, _flirted_, with him – he couldn't look at her with that same innocence anymore.

They had never really discussed anything particular – in fact, that was the brilliance of their friendship which Snape enjoyed most. He was completely comfortable with her. They could talk for hours, about, well – _anything_ – the latest Hogsmeade sweets, their mutual hatred of Peeves, Quidditch, even Muggle topics – both had a fondness for Muggle music on occasion. Or they could talk about nothing, with an infectious silence that put them both at ease. However, Snape felt a new buzz about Hogwarts that year – girls, dating, sex, was the predominant topic on the minds of the boys, at least. All topics of which he had absolutely no experience whatsoever, and of which Potter and Black had in abundance.

He looked ahead at Lily, who was nearing a great oak tree near the lake. He guessed that she didn't – though of course they had never discussed it. He felt a sinking feeling – had she ever – _been with_ – a boy? No, surely not – if she had with another student he would have heard about it. She would have told him. He would have seen them. At home, perhaps?

Finally, he saw Lily settle herself on the ground, leaning against the trunk of the tree. There were a few pebbles near her feet, and she picked up one and threw it into the lake. Snape reached the tree, and dropped his bag, looking at Lily sceptically.

"So where's the picnic?" He asked.

"You _want_ to go back to Potions?" She stared at him.

"I'm just being considerate of you and Slughorn's little love affair."

Lily pulled out her wand and pointed it at Snape.

"Too slow." Snape's was already at the ready, pointing squarely at Lily's chest.

"Just give me a reason," Lily said, the corners of her mouth twitching, "and I swear I will."

Snape almost laughed out loud at her mockery, nodded and lowered his wand, thus inviting her to do so. As she did, however, in a flash he brought his back up, flicked it and ropes began to spurt from it, tying themselves round her wrists, as she looked on in horror.

Snape, in what he would later not be able to believe, was overcome with a confidence completely alien to him. He stepped either side of her outstretched legs, as she tried to release her hands from the rope, and slowly lowered himself until he was straddling her, either one of his hands resting against the bark of the trunk.

Lily looked up at Snape, a look of mild amusement and surprise dancing across her features.

"And once again," said Snape, full of mischief, triumph and glee, "my wand has bested yours."

Lily looked anywhere but into Snape's face, her eyebrows rising into her hairline. When she did, she noticed the same expression of greed upon his face that she had often caught when they were children. It still sent the same shivers down her spine.

"_Who_ fancies Slughorn?" Snape demanded.

Lily bit her lip and rolled her eyes to stop the threatening laughter. Snape couldn't help but notice this, and hungrily took in the detail of her teeth putting pressure on her red lip…

_Fuck_, he thought, when _had_ they become like this?

"Oh, _fine_, I do, alright? And just so you know, we've already done all this, Slughorn and me," she glanced down at their rather compromising position, and was thankful that they were not facing the castle, "so you're a bit late on that count."

Snape blinked. Panic and disbelief rose up inside him.

"Is that – is that a _joke_?" He spat out.

"No. I actually find him quite attractive. That's why I like us to sit near the front of the dungeon. He and I are conducting a very illegal and very illicit love affair."

Not even Snape could miss the sarcasm dripping off her words. He shifted his abdomen slightly, and it was only then that both Snape and Lily realised fully the details of their positioning.

Lily's green eyes bore into Snape's colder black ones. She wondered what had brought this on – this new demeanor that, she had to admit, reminded her slightly of James. After a few moments, she felt Snape's entire body twitch, and with quiet alarm wondered if this – whatever _this_ was – was going to be her first ever kiss… If Severus Snape, her best friend, was going to kiss her.

Snape, who was in disbelief that he was still conscious, considering the rising heat in his lower stomach, raised his hand and lightly ran his fingertips over Lily's cheek, until he reached the cut she had suffered from his earlier spout with Potter. She gasped quietly as she touched it.

"Lily, this is very deep." He said quietly, enraged that somehow, he had caused damage to her.

"Mmm.." Lily agreed, staring up at Snape, as he made a small movement as if he were about to embrace her, his head now to the side of her wound. She could feel, with tingling excitement, his hot breath on her skin.

He whispered into her ear something that made her flush bright red, and proceeded to gently kiss her cheek, her wound, his tongue lapping against it lightly.

Lily closed her eyes involuntarily until he was again in front of her, and with a flick of his wand he untied the rope, and slid off of her.

He settled down to her right, staring into the lake, his heart still pounding as he knew hers was.

Lily couldn't help herself. She was grinning at him, completely shaken by this sudden turn of events. Eventually she would admit that he _was _more skilled with his wand than her, they would laugh, and proceed to discuss their most horrific experiences with blast-ended skrewts, of which they were being forced to rear every week in their study of magical beasts, contesting each other over who could throw the furthest pebbles into the lake. Snape would inevitably win this too.

Until then, though, Lily was set to peruse her thoughts and new feelings that were beginning to be unearthed… And though the events that had just taken place under the branches of the oak tree as the summer subsided and faded to autumn certainly had not contained what could be classified as Lily Evans' first ever kiss… It had definitely been worth bunking Potions for.

* * *

**BTW: It will eventually be revealed what exactly it was that Snape whispered to Lily before 'kissing' her! Also, this may come off as smutty! But it will not all be like this! lol**


	3. Silly People

NB: Yusaf Thomas is Dean Thomas' father. Cute.

**Well, this is a much longer chapter, and has less of the Sev/Lily itself, but I feel it's important to set up the situations of our two leads. I know it's a slight influx of characters, but, overtime, as they develop, things will become easier. (HOW AMAZING IS ALICE LONGBOTTOM?! LOVE HER!)**

**Please R&R, advise, etc etc, this being my first ever fic and all. Ch4 to come soon.**

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Freudian Slip**

* * *

Later that night Lily found herself bored, as usual, in the Gryffindor common room, trying to dodge a bludger James had stolen from Madam Hooch's private stores. Simultaneously, a small group of fourth years were letting off firecrackers, one even setting fire to the hem of another's robes. 

"_Aguamenti_" Lily put out the fire before the boy had even noticed. The burning smell wafted up to him though, and he glanced around nervously, catching Lily's eye. He saw her wand and flashed her a smile. Lily smiled back, noticing his perfect white teeth, her eyes then moving upwards to his rather large and brilliant afro. She glanced over at the Marauders, who were goofing around as usual, her smile fading.

"Your friends seem to be having fun." The boy piped up.

"What? Oh, yeah… Not strictly my friends." She added jokingly.

"Well," he said, stepping forward, "if you're ever in need of one." He held out his hand. "Thomas… Yusaf Thomas."

"Shaken, not stirred, I presume?" She took his hand and shook it, despite his look of puzzlement. "Muggle joke," she added.

"EVANS! LOOK OUT FOR THAT BLUDGER!" James suddenly roared.

Lily instinctively ducked and dropped to her knees on the floor. She waited a moment. Nothing happened. Then laughter began to fill the room.

James bounded up to her. He held out a hand to help her up. "Only joking, babe."

She ignored his hand.

"You alright?" Yusaf asked.

James eyed him suspiciously, and stepped directly in front of him, blocking Yusaf from Lily's view.

"I'm fine, thanks!" Lily said warmly, moving around James.

"Evans," James began, his tone taking on more weight, "where did you go when you left Potions? Horace was not best pleased."

"It is none of your business." She replied curtly. "And _Professor Slughorn_ gave me permission to go, in case you were too busy flailing about on the floor to notice." She was definitely getting better at this put down thing. She had to remember to thank Sev for that.

"Ah. But did he give you permission to drop out of class to go have, what I must imagine to be some excruciatingly greasy sex with Snivellus?" James sniggered.

Remus looked over from behind his copy of Bathilda Bagshot's _A History of Magic_ and shook his head. Sirius, on the other hand, wouldn't have noticed a dung bomb dropped on his head, for he was too busy apparently digging for the contents of Jynea Vermont's throat.

"Prongs…" Remus let out a sigh.

"I'm not even going to bother." Was all Lily could muster, and she began to make her way towards the girls' staircase.

"So how was it?" James raised his voice and the Gryffindor common room, for once, was near silent.

Lily stopped in her tracks, but did not reply.

"I mean, all that grease'd probably be just as good as lubrication, wouldn't it?" James asked, triumphantly. For once, his fan club weren't in cahoots of praise.

"If you ever speak to me like that again, Potter," She was even beginning to sound like Snape now, "I'll personally make sure McGonagall knows that you are harassing me publicly and that you never see another weekend for the abundance of detentions."

She turned around. "And for your information…" She half sing-songed, whilst a collective breath was taken in by Gryffindor at large – including Nearly Headless Nick, who had drifted in through a wall, "Severus Snape is ten times the lover you could ever be." Her eyes twinkled. "With or without the grease."

Several mouths fell to the floor, as several girls began to inch away from James and Sirius.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Lily was lying on her bed, preparing a note to Snape. 

_Dear Sev,_

_Just had an argument with Potter. Said something I shouldn't have. Uh… it's sort of embarrassing. Write back pronto?!?_

_Unless of course you're busy with Slughorn._

_Love,_

_Lily. Xxx_

Just as she finished the last, and most heartfelt 'x', her dorm burst in at large, their eyes wide and mouths open, laughing and excited.

As far as dorms went, you couldn't do much better than having Mary, Jynea, Alice and Val. Each of her friends had a different 'persona' and clashing personalities, but they all complimented each others' really which made for a lot of laughs. Alice Longbottom, her 'best friend', as it were – well, except Sev – was slightly dim, but headstrong as hell. She had dark hair and was delightfully voluptuous and vivacious - she had a fair idea of what she wanted and knew how to get it. She would be the one who strutted up to a gang of boys and passed a love note for one of the girls, and had, rather famously, for it was now a thing of legend, winked at Professor Dumbledore last year. Mary Macdonald was the brains of the operation – the one who de-jinxed Lily's underwear draw when James had charmed it so that all her underwear bore the flashing slogans:

"I live for James Potter!"

"Touch me, James Potter!"

"I scream for you, James Potter!"

"Snivellus is a scab."

Lily had forbidden the girls to mention that last one, lest Snape should find out and get embarrassed. Mary always leant a helping hand from behind her horn-rimmed glasses when Lily needed help with what could only be described as pitiful attempts at Defence Against The Dark Arts essays. Val – Valerie, would always be there to pick you up from a fall – she was good at giving advice, but, much to Lily's chagrin, had a complete prejudice against Slytherins, which did not bode well for her relationship with Severus.

_Relationship_? _Since when did I call it that?! Merlin's beard…_

Jynea was… Well, Jynea. Tall, slender, well proportioned… She was a flirt. A funny, loving, endearing flirt, but essentially Lily found it hard to invest emotion in someone who would drop her knickers at the wave of a wand… Specifically, James Potter's wand. The object of her desire. Though Sirius Black would have to do, from time to time.

"_YOU SLEPT WITH SEVERUS SNAPE_?!" Valerie bellowed. She stood, arms across the doorway.

Mary endeavoured to push past, and when she managed, she tripped over Lily's broomstick and landed on her bed with an "Ow!"

"Will you be quiet?!" Lily whispered, beckoning the girls inside. "I don't want another scene on my hands!"

Jynea strutted in, shaking her head in disapproval, whilst Alice bounded and sat on Lily's lap… Where, of course, hours before, Severus had been…

"I just don't understand you, Lily." Jynea exclaimed once Val had shut the door. "You have that – that -"

"_Fine piece of ass_, I think, was the term you mustered earlier in your lust." Mary offered, helpfully.

"Yes!" Jynea shook her hands in front of her, trying to get the message across. "_James_! Lily! What are you doing! He _loves_ you!"

"He does not love me!" Lily snapped. "He objectifies me and has decided he wants me, that is all." She was aching to send the message to Severus that she was now caressing in her hands.

"Back to the point at hand!" Valerie said, silencing the others. "_YOU SLEPT WITH SEVERUS SNAPE_?!"

"No, of course I didn't!" Lily said. "I was only saying that – because – because…"

"Because you want it to be true?" Alice said, dryly, though from her glance at Lily, Lily knew that she wouldn't have condemned her for it, even if it had been true, unlike the other girls standing before her.

"Perfect example of a Freudian slip." Mary lectured.

"Freud?" Jynea asked.

"Muggle." Mary added with disdain. "Sometimes I wish so badly that magic and muggle culture could collide…"

"So you didn't?" Valerie asked suspiciously, her bouffant blonde hair blowing from the draft of Lily's open window.

"Why? Jealous?" Alice retorted.

"Don't be stupid!" Valerie snapped. "For a _Slytherin_ like _him_?"

"Shouldn't be prejudiced against someone just because they're in a different house, Valerie." Alice started. "I mean, he's not my type, Lil – all that hair and pale skin," she grinned, "But we have all experienced the allure of the archetypal bad boy."

Lily made a soft noise of derision. "Snape? A bad boy?"

Alice looked at her seriously. "No, really. He has that 'aloof' quality, that intense gaze, that-"

Lily cut her off. "I'll be sure to tell him you harbour a little crush."

"On Malfoy, Lily, Malfoy. I don't care that he's a bastard. Who would say no?"

"Alice, that is pathetic. Truly PATHETIC!" Mary snorted.

"Actually…" Jynea began, and Lily could tell she was weighing up the pros and cons of the now eighteen year old Lucius Malfoy, in his sleek, slender, incredibly rich glory.

The usual furore of giggles and conversation broke out as Lily suddenly realised she had no idea how to send her message to Severus without having to walk all the way to the Owlery. But she didn't know if she'd be able to stand facing Potter again in the midst of what she assumed would be by now the usual Friday night Gryffindor butterbeer and firewhisky binge.

She looked at her broom. Lily was quite the Quidditch player – in fact, one of the Gryffindor favourites. She was the Seeker, and enjoyed it thoroughly, despite often having difficultly to concentrate against the roars of James, their affluent Chaser:

_"Evans! Evans! I think I've found the Snitch! It's in my PANTS!!"_

_Boys_, she sneered.

She picked up her Silver Arrow and looked at Alice.

"Alice…" She whispered, though it was pointless – as soon as she did, Jynea, Mary and Val turned to her. She sighed. "How much trouble d'you think I'm facing if I fly to the lake and take the staircase to Slytherin?"

"You mean the _secret_ staircase to Slytherin?" Alice asked.

Lily rolled her eyes and did not reply.

"Oh – I don't know. If Filch finds you, a year's worth of detention? If Dumbledore finds you, an hour's worth? If Slughorn finds you, a kiss?"

"_Excuse me_?" Lily demanded, aghast. "I'm not kidding, if people keep joking about this I'll ask the man out for a drink or two!"

"Not _people_" Alice giggled. "Snape!"

"Severus Snape?" Lily stared, dumbfounded. There was absolutely no way Severus had spoken to Alice Longbottom. His friends loathed her, not least of all Bellatrix Lestrange, who pretty much led his crowd.

"No, Richard Snape." Alice paused. "_Yes, Severus Snape_! He sent me a message in Transfiguration. Told me to tease you about it."

Lily picked up her broom, tears of mirth threatening to spill. She grabbed her quill and a piece of parchment, and bent over Mary's back for a second.

_SEVERUS SNAPE_

_YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO THE FIRST DATE OF LILY EVANS AND HORACE SLUGHORN, TUESDAY NIGHT AT 9PM IN THE GREAT HALL, WHERE THEY WILL BE DINING PRIVATELY._

_PS. Marriage predicted early December._

_PPS. Snape fancies Irma Pince, pass it on._

She folded it up, chuckling at her own wit, or lack of thereof.

She then moved towards the window, rammed it as open as it would go, turned back to her friends and winked, then climbed through so she was sitting on the edge of the frame. She looked down with a gulp, not fully anticipating the height of Gryffindor Tower.

"No more sex please, we don't want to be visiting _Mother's Mania for Young Babies and House Elves_ in Diagon Alley before our NEWTS!" Mary shrieked.

Lily edged herself out of the window, bringing her broom through it and fastening it between her legs with shaking arms before dropping from the window and plummeting for a good four seconds before her Silver Arrow kicked into form and she shot off, indulgently looping round the tower for the sheer thrill of it.

She reached the lake, passing by the tree she had sat under with Severus earlier, and neared the courtyard. To the left of the Great Hall, however, there was a trapdoor and staircase that Sirius had informed her of in their second year at Hogwarts: and ever since she had been using it to sneak down to see Severus when it was past midnight and she couldn't just walk through the castle. Or when, you know, it seemed too pointless and tiring to descend all those silly staircases.

She hid her broom in the grass and set off down the dingy staircase. Was it supposed to be some reflection of character, that Slytherin headquarters had to preside in such dark and squalid conditions, beneath the lake?

She reached the door to the common room. Phineas Nigellus Black sat, slouched in a silver and green chair, snoring in his portrait.

"Professor Black?" Lily said loudly.

No reply.

"PROFESSOR BLACK!"

Phineas stirred grumpily. He spied Lily, and groaned. Would he ever be rid of the pestering, mudblood, Gryffindor, night-time intruder?

"Oh, it's you." He began, but before she could even make the obvious request, he stuttered, "Yes! Yes! I'll go and g-get him!... Pestering-"

And he groggily walked out of his portrait.

Lily was only waiting a minute, before Phineas returned, and slumped back into his chair.

"He's coming, he's coming…" He opened his eyes halfway. "Can't you find some other means of communication, instead of waking me every other night?"

Lily had never really thought of it. "Like what?" But the snores were already erupting from the portrait again.

Finally, Snape appeared, making sure to close the door behind him. Lily chuckled at his black and baggy pajamas which bore the words "SWAT TEAM" over his chest.

"Not from Hogsmeade, eh?" Lily chuckled.

"Evidently."

Lily waited a moment. Not in a cheerful mood, apparently.

"Okayyy… Well, I just came to give you this." She said, bringing out the two notes from her pocket, but deciding against the second one – despite their universality, perhaps Snape was just not in the mood for Slughorn jokes.

Snape moved away from the shadows of the doorway and into the dim light from a nearby candle to take the note. He stopped abruptly, however, and backed up to the door.

But it had been too late. Lily had caught a glimpse of a severe looking bruise under Snape's left eye.

"What was that?" She said, her tone full of mingled concern and alarm.

"Nothing." He replied tartly.

Both were silent for a few seconds. Or it could have been minutes. Snape wasn't sure. He desperately didn't want Lily to find out about his pain, his weakness – the weakness that Phineas' intervention in the common room had spared him from, but he didn't know for how long. Inside were Mulciber, Avery and Nott – and all were doing their best to belittle Snape. Nott had gone so far as to punch him in the face.

Snape cursed Nott's obese, blundering hands.

Lily stepped forwards, her hand closing over Snape's cheek slowly. Snape winced.

"Shall I report this to Slughorn?" She whispered.

"Always with Slughorn." He half grinned, half grimaced.

"He's your head of house, moron! I think we should-"

"Don't be so naïve, Lily! We shall tell no-one of this!" Snape snapped.

Lily removed her hand, and shrugged. "Sev…"

_And what was his weakness inside compared to this present weakness?_

"Lily, go back to bed. And give me those notes." He nodded towards the two notes clasped in her hand.

She gave him the first, and pocketed the second.

Snape rolled his eyes, and with his wand, muttered "_Accio note_."

"Curse wandlore, curse your quickness, curse _you_." Lily managed a half smile.

Snape moved his hand towards the doorknob. Lily took this as a sign to go.

"Lily!" Snape hissed. "Leave your bedroom window open tonight!"

She looked at him quizzically, but he shrug her off. They turned their separate ways and Lily noticed, with an overwhelming sense of hilarity, the white lettered "SWAT TEAM" that was also printed across Snape's behind. She shook her head, trying to contain the laughter, and had reached the staircase when Snape called down the corridor to her.

"_What_?" Lily cried, aghast.

"Good-night."

"Will you two BE QUIET!" Roared Phineas Nigellus Black. "In the name of Merlin…! Listening to that phoenix is better than you two! You can't find any peace in this castle!" And he traipsed off to Dumbledore's office, carrying his green blanket with him.


	4. Secret of Night

**I really like this chapter, if I'm allowed to say that, despite the fact that it lacks face-to-face Lily/Snape, which of course we all love. But I think their funny little notes more than make up for it. **

**cbrownjc: Thanks for the reminder that Alice Longbottom is of course not Alice Longbottom - I'm an idiot and it totally slipped my mind. But since we aren't told her maiden name, I'm going to keep it the same. You never know, maybe Frank took HER name in marriage, ha ha.**

**Anyway, please R&R, this is my first fic and it's really exciting to get reminders of people reviewing and everything! This is an amazing experience. Clearly I'm now hooked on fic writing. CH5 UP SOON.**

* * *

Snape retreated back into the Slytherin common room – its walls adorned with serpents of silver and emerald hues, and despite the darkness and dungeon-like qualities of the room, it had a sort of ornate, rich splendour that Snape liked. He left the door slightly ajar, and attempted to move towards the staircase to his dorm, stepping alongside the wall. 

_A pointless endeavour_, Snape realised, as Avery called out to him from his resting place next to the fire.

"Who was that, Snape?"

All Snape wanted to do was to retire to his bed and read what Lily had written. Begrudgingly, he traipsed over to Avery, Nott and Mulciber. Mulciber, the tallest, eldest, and, Snape had to admit, most menacing of the group, was spread out over a sofa, bouncing a spider on his chest up and down with his wand. The spider shrivelled and convulsed as he did so. Snape considered that the group had been getting in as much practise of the unforgivable curses as possible. It was regrettable that his three closest companions were undeniable Death Eaters 'in training', but as they three had been the only people to bother spending any time or energy whatsoever on Snape, he desperately sought to keep their friendship, whilst avoiding as best he could the inevitable conscription to the Dark Lord's ever growing army. Snape disliked Muggles, with the exception of his father, whom he hated – but he certainly saw no reason for the want of wiping them out as a race. Nor did he particularly care.

"No-one." Snape muttered, now hovering a step away from the group, disinclined to join them in their useless insect torturing. He watched the spider bounce through the air out of the corner of his eye whilst Mulciber mouthed "_Crucio_" and it emitted the faintest of screams.

"Don't lie to _us_, Snape." Nott spat. "That was your little Mudblood friend, that _Li_-"

"Your skills will not grow if you resign to practise on such _lesser_ creatures, Mulciber." Snape interjected, desperately wanting to curtail the subject. Earlier that evening, he had let his guard slip and mentioned an amusing spell Lily had taught him. The consequences had been tiresome and dire: for over an _hour_, Mulciber, Avery and Nott had needled him about his feelings for Lily, lectured him on the evils on both Gryffindor and Mudblood association, and he had sustained a black eye from Nott who had lashed out when Snape dared to challenge him.

"_Mudbloods are good for nothing, Snape! Well, except some things…" Nott had said, his eyes glinting with malice. "Yes, I suppose you must have you reasons…" He had mulled. "She is easy on the eyes, Snape, I'll grant you that." Mulciber and Avery murmured in agreement. "Are you able to forget it, though? I mean, forget her filthy blood, when you're spreading her thighs and-"_

_Snape had almost lost control already._

"_Shut up." He had said, as his lip curled and his fists balled and his eyes glared and his heart raced._

In retrospect, it had been an incredibly poor show. If "shut up" was going to be his defence every time he was ever countered, he may as well give up now. At least Nott's forceful swing of his giant fist had ceased his lewd rantings, which had made Snape's stomach turn. He knew it was something he was going to have to accept: that as Lily walked, and as Lily talked; that when she sat and when she studied; to when she ate and slept – she was desired. He had known for four years now that Nott would have loved to get his hands on Lily – whilst his pureblood beliefs forbade him to love a Mudblood; they did not forbid him the _corruption_ of one. Snape had vowed to see that Nott never got the chance.

Potter obviously did. Desire Lily, of course. Want her. Snape knew that, if Potter could, he would kiss Lily, stroke Lily, caress Lily, and endeavour to touch Lily in places she had never been touched. To Potter it was a game – to Snape it was something holy.

Mulciber stared over at Snape. "And who _would_ you have me practise on, Severus?"

"You could, at the very least, upgrade your victims to small mammals." He gave a tiny shrug. He just didn't care. He needed to be upstairs. "Rats, birds, cats…"

"Not Kumo, Mulciber!" Nott exclaimed, and Snape could sense the panic in Nott that some harm may come to his kitten. Odd, that a human being could care more about the wellbeing of a feline that of a fellow human being.

"Heaven forbid." Snape rolled his eyes, making Avery snigger.

"It's actually a good idea," Avery announced. "Lucius would be very impressed if we could demonstrate a better grasp of the curses."

Mulciber nodded. Snape decided that now was a better time that any to try and retire to their dorm, feeling he had proved his worth.

He collapsed onto his bed, pulling the two notes out of his pocket with haste. He smiled at the "love" she signed with. She had been doing so even before they attended Hogwarts, when they would write each other secret messages of meeting times and places, sometimes with made-up aliases, for the most part so Petunia wouldn't find out, but also because they both found it absolutely hilarious to call themselves things like "Mrs. Father Christmas" and "Mr. Potato Head" – Snape was particularly proud of that invention.

But then Snape stopped smiling, and started worrying.

What had she let slip with Potter? Some embarrassing secret of his past? That she was only friends with him out of pity? Something insulting? Snape had trouble mustering the courage to write back. But then he read her second note, and relaxed. If she could still make jokes, clearly the situation could not be so pressing.

And, he chuckled, his friend quite blatantly did feel a certain affinity for Slughorn – she was now making unprovoked references to him. He made a mental note to update Alice, whom was in his Transfigurations class. She was a surprisingly tolerable girl, and one of the very few whom Snape had any contact with at all. He could understand why Lily liked her – she was outgoing and even humorous. Not qualities he usually found agreeable in Gryffindors. But when Lily had demanded that Snape get to know at least one of her friends in their second year, he had picked Alice from a glance for two reasons. The first was because she happened to be insulting the Marauders at the moment that Snape had chosen to consider her – and that fact alone made Snape sure they were at least slightly compatible as human beings – the second reason, which Snape more tentatively conceded to himself – was that she was almost breathtakingly attractive.

Snape didn't know if he defected in some way from the other members of his sex, though, in that he rarely fantasized about girls, and never did based solely on appearance, no matter how agreeable that appearance might be. Snape didn't know if this was based on his lack of experience, but realised it meant he was virtually useless when the topic cropped up in conversation, which only happened once every always, because he felt embarrassed, clammy and nervous.

By the time he had grabbed the nearest piece of parchment, he guessed that Lily would probably be asleep. It was still worth a try. He seized a quill from atop his case, which he had never truly unpacked, and bent over slightly, scrawling in an almost incomprehensible manner. Lily would be able to read it, of course – she had once even remarked that she liked his handwriting, in comparison to Potter's, when they had both been looking over and mocking a love-letter Potter had sent. His L's had huge loops, and his R's looked regal.

_Unsurprising that his pretentiousness infects every aspect of his person_, Snape thought, smirking.

He wrote his reply and reached for his wand. Muttering an incantation, the parchment folded itself into a paper aeroplane, and when it had finished it fluttered in his hand, hovering. Snape whispered to whom to aeroplane was intended, and blew on it. It took off and flew out of his dorm and down the stairs. He intended it to pass his fellow Slytherins without interception, and glide out of the common room door, which he had left ajar, then out of the trap door, which Lily _always_ left ajar, because it was too heavy to wrench open every time she wanted access.

Snape laid, motionless, on his bed for a while, and felt sleep threaten to overtake him. He thought of Lily, and how lovely she had looked in the dazzling sunshine that morning. She had smiled at him with a smile he did not recognise that day – it wasn't her usual smile, of which he was so fond. It seemed to have a million layers, but he couldn't pick them apart; say what they meant. But Lily had been… _alluring_.

So should he really feel bad to have kissed her in that way? He would never have thought to have touched her like that – it was just a momentary impulse.

His eyes closed and he felt his lips on her again, her scent filling him. She had smelled so _good_…

* * *

A light tapping on her window awoke Lily with a start. That, and the cloaked Severus Snape of her mind's eye had just seized her waist, pulled her towards him, and kissed her. As she opened her eyes to see her crimson curtains, she felt herself blush. Her pillow was wet, and as she lifted her head up, she noticed a tiny damp spot of saliva where her mouth had been. 

"Charming…" she muttered.

Glancing at her closed window, she saw a paper aeroplane smashing into it again and again, after each rebuff seemingly trying to smash through the glass with renewed effort. Its nose was starting to crumple.

Lily sat up with a start and turned towards the window, prizing it open and seizing the aeroplane. She thanked Hogwarts for the curtains which shielded herself and the window from view of her roommates. She knew that she would end up tied to her bed in punishment if any of them realised Snape had replied.

She opened the paper aeroplane, much to its probable distress.

_Dear Lily,_

_Please exclude Irma Pince, who happens to be a Goddess, from your juvenile efforts to compensate for the Slug lust._

_What did you say to Potter? I assume you want to tell me, seeing as you brought it up. Even if you don't, you're telling me. _

_Sorry for being off-hand tonight._

_Severus._

_PS. What is this 'XXX'? I have heard it mentioned fleetingly in reference to rather… extravagant debaucheries, but I doubt that is what you mean. If it is, however, and someone has slipped a little amori arousim juice into your firewhisky, well… I'll be right over._

Lily blinked and raised her eyebrows. What she found most annoying, and compelling, about her friend Sev – was how cryptic he could be. And how he still found it necessary to sign off their letters with nothing more than his name, whilst she had few inhibitions concerning being honest with him. Severus didn't even like to call her his best friend out loud, yet with ease could say things so suggestive; so infuriatingly and delightfully aloof.

She had never thought of how easy writing to him by means of charmed parchment would be. Always the Muggle, she still found herself astounded by magic after five years of knowing it. Last year, Mary had found her trying to scrub out their sink by hand, much to her disbelief. Lily had gaped as Nicola had finished the job with the flick of her wand, and then proceeded to feel a real idiot.

She scrawled a quick reply, smiling to herself, and sent it off in the shape of a bird.

Mere minutes later, the bird fluttered down onto Snape's lower abdomen, which elicited an unconscious smirk as he dozed above the covers on his bed, until he opened one eye slightly and realised it wasn't just the work of his imagination. He picked up the bird, eyeing it dubiously, and read the message within.

_Dear Sev,_

_It really is rather embarrassing, and I'll tell you, but you can't make fun of me for this. I was being a good friend. It was a pretty public spar. You would have been proud, seeing as you've shown such a talent for them lately._

_Potter made certain allegations about… concerning you and me. I thought it'd be more cutting if I insulted him rather than acted ashamed, if you get what I mean. Look, I'm only telling you this so you're not surprised if you get asked about it, which you will. _

(This next part was written rather untidily, and, Snape suspected, quickly.)

_I told him you were a better lover than he could ever be. _

_Love, Lily._

_PS. 'XXX', IN THIS CASE, means…kisses. It's a sign off a lot of people use, friends, family, you know. I am aware of its other usage though. Surprised you are. Ugh. Can't even believe you're such a BOY._

Snape was shocked. If Potter had been able to consider Lily's and his own relationship in a context of…romance… Then the changes in their friendship really had been happening – not just in Snape's imagination. If Lily had really said that, which he could scarcely believe, then he was not the only one having to deal with thoughts and feelings that – that what they had – was translating to what Hogwarts was obsessed with; with what was buzzing around amongst the students in the corridors.

Snape scrawled a reply. He didn't bother with the niceties.

_And am I?_

He stared at what he had written for what seemed like a lifetime, thoughts and ideas raging through him. He then realised he was being a stupid, pubescent, adolescent boy, and cursed himself for it. He also realised that Lily would have no answer to his question. He then crumpled up the parchment, gently placed Lily's notes in a box under his bed, and hoped Lily would go to sleep and not wait up for word from him. Because he had reached the conclusion that words were becoming more and more inept at expressing what he wanted to.

Both Lily and Snape would be curiously tired the next morning at breakfast, and without any explainable reason.

* * *

**NB: If you're reading this and raising your eyebrows at anything, seeing any innuendo...well, I'd go with that. Because that is essentially what this fic deals (will deal) with. Hormones. Ha ha. ;)**


	5. By The Sea

**Hey guys! Thanks for the amazing reviews!! Please continue to R&R, because it makes my day, and a first fic deserves support ;)**

**Look. I KNOW this chapter is a LITTLE on the saucy side... But come on! This is SEV SNAPE we're talking about! The chapter has a particular moment, that I'm sure you'll be able to find, that I'm extremely proud of.**

* * *

Snape woke up so late the next morning that he barely had time to dress, let alone wash his hair. Not that it made a difference. Snape could wash his hair twice a day and it'd still look greasy. It was a common misconception that he never washed his hair – there was just nothing he could do to stop it hanging limply around his face. Another reason for him to hate his father. His hair was inherited. As was his hooked nose, which he grimaced at whilst passing his mirror fleetingly. Snape hated his appearance.Snape woke up so late the next morning that he barely had time to dress, let alone wash his hair. Not that it made a difference. Snape could wash his hair twice a day and it'd still look greasy. It was a common misconception that he never washed his hair – there was just nothing he could do to stop it hanging limply around his face. Another reason for him to hate his father. His hair was inherited. As was his hooked nose, which he grimaced at whilst passing his mirror fleetingly. Snape hated his appearance.

Which made for prime ammunition, tailored to the needs of Potter and Black, whose argument went, more often than not, along the lines of how ugly Snape was. Which, Snape had to hand it to them, was something that couldn't be argued with, when his assailants were probably the two most sought after boys in Hogwarts. Even sixth years flirted with the scruffy haired Black, and Potter's athletic build and charming smile endeared him to most of the female populace. He used his smile on his friends, girls, and even teachers; all for his own selfish ends; to get what he wanted.

Snape ran to the Great Hall but stopped abruptly when he entered upon seeing a good portion of the Gryffindor table; if not all of it; turn and stare at him. Some were whispering, some shaking their heads. He noticed Potter and Black scowling in his direction, then wink and smirk at each other as though they knew something he didn't.

By the time Snape had even begun to move towards the Slytherin table, the rest of the Hall had caught on and were peering his way, one particularly short Hufflepuff even standing to get a better view. The hush which was so unusual for the Great Hall that it spread to the top table, and Snape noticed with a lurch that Slughorn, McGonagall and even Dumbledore were watching him – Slughorn with concern, McGonagall with disapproval and Dumbledore with an unreadable expression that Snape could only guess was curiosity. He shrunk slightly from all the attention, and quickly made his way to Mulciber, where he spied an empty seat, tripping over on nothing at all as he went, eliciting sniggers from the Gryffindors.

Snape descended into a chair and seized a piece of toast. He didn't look at Mulciber, or the young Regulus Black and Evan Rosier who sat opposite them, although he knew they were all looking.

"Severus," Mulciber began, quietly, "What is going on?"

Snape looked at him blankly.

"I have no idea." But, realising this was a pretty paltry excuse, added, "I suspect Potter and his little gang of scum have been spreading rumours, but frankly, their trivial lives hold little of my interest."

Mulciber grunted and Snape tried his best to ignore the curiosity of his fellow Slytherins, whilst inconspicuously searching the room for Lily. He heard Regulus begin ranting about what a big mistake his older brother Sirius was to their noble family. He would have adored Regulus if he were just any Slytherin; but seeing him attend the Death Eater meetings; seeing him rave on about the Dark Lord and Mudbloods whilst Snape knew that a mere boy of thirteen couldn't possibly understand any of it made him wholly uncomfortable. He continued looking for Lily, his eyes piercing through the crows for her red hair…

But he did not have to search for long, because suddenly all the Gryffindor heads swivelled once again to the huge wooden doors as Lily strolled in. She casually ambled down the Gryffindor table, dropping into a seat next to her friend Jynea. Snape tried to catch her eye in vain. He couldn't believe that her little outburst had spread so fast.

"Snape!" Rosier whispered. Snape looked up at him, chewing absently.

"What have you been doing with that Evans girl?" He demanded. "Why is everyone staring at the two of you?"

Avery piped up from further down the table. "They're an _item_." His eyes glittered as he said what both he and Snape knew would put Snape into an uncomfortable position. Snape was just thankful that Nott had already eaten, so could not uproariously take up his position that Lily was, so very tactlessly, Snape shuddered, _his whore_.

Before Snape could reply though, that evil silence to which he was almost becoming accustomed took hold again as Lily stood up slowly, and, finishing telling her friends a joke, picked up a mug and started heading for Snape.

It was perhaps the most painful moment of his life. He had always thought Lily intelligent, but now he could not stop gaping at what was possibly the most stupid thing she had ever done. He audibly groaned.

After what seemed like a lifetime, she reached him. Setting the mug down on the table (which oozed a disgusting and spicy scent), she announced "Your tea."

Not knowing whether he was supposed to respond, Snape eventually managed to mumble out a "thank-you", to which she nodded happily, quickly placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it softly, before leaving the Hall.

Snape was still staring at the spot where her hand had been until Mulciber told him to drink the tea, because the smell was making him feel sick, and so Snape took the opportunity to leave the Hall, taking the mug with him, and hopefully retaining some dignity in that he didn't trip over on the way out.

The second he had rounded the corner, Lily seized him with an expression of annoyance, shock and, Snape could sense, a little bit of excitement, which he could not see the occasion demanded.

"_What the hell is going on?!_"

"Potter spread the rumour that I, err… Let slip." She said, tugging him unceremoniously towards the courtyard.

Snape was lost for words.

"I'm lost for words."

"It's very endearing." Lily smiled, as Snape conceded and allowed himself to be hauled away from the castle. As they were halfway across the courtyard, they heard Professor McGonagall's voice ring out, calling them both back.

But it was Saturday; they had no classes; an abundance of free time; and neither cared much for anything other than the person standing beside them once Lily's fingers had crept into Snape's and that elusive feeling of euphoria had taken over. Staff members could wait. Hogwarts could wait.

They reached the grand oak tree near the banks of the lake.

"What is it with this tree?" Snape asked.

Lily's eyes moved over it, almost fondly. She shrugged.

"The trunk is big enough that we can both lean on it and not be facing different directions."

Snape considered this, and sat. But Lily was kicking off her shoes, before throwing her robes down onto the ground. Snape tried to look away whilst she pulled off her jumper and stood there, a wide grin plastered to her face, in a short sleeved shirt that was far, far, _far_ too low cut and a skirt.

He hadn't seen as much of Lily's flesh since they were ten years old.

She looked at him, as if he was missing the obvious. He stared back, oblivious and slightly confused.

"_What_?"

"It's perfect weather for swimming!" Lily announced, happily.

"What? Where?"

Lily looked at him dubiously. "The lake!" She exclaimed.

Snape immediately shook his head. "Don't be so ridiculous. There are all manner of creatures in that lake. Not to mention the giant squid…"

Lily started backtracking to the lake, slowly. "Is little Snape afraid of some fishies?"

Snape rolled his eyes. "No. You be sure to have fun though, whilst you're being drowned by merpeople."

"_Sev_," Lily began, in that tone she knew always broke him in the end, "it'll be fun, come on."

"I refuse." He replied, bluntly. There was absolutely no way he'd be entering the freezing water in a pair of shorts. There was no way. Dumbledore would sooner become a Death Eater.

"I'll make it worth your while…" Lily cooed, purposefully batting her eyelashes.

"I'm not Slughorn, Lily. You won't get me that easily."

Meanwhile he was already stepping out of his shoes as he said it.

_Lily Evans' use of the word 'Sev' should be officially banned._

"If this water makes me ill-" He started, but she had already grabbed his arm and started hurtling towards the banks of the lake.

His feet reached the ice-cold water and his body screamed.

"It is NOT HAPPENING, Lily! I won't! I WON'T!" He shouted, laughing despite himself.

Lily had already waded out so that she was waist-in.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards her. He was shaking too much to even put up a defence.

"I hate you." He said, through gritted teeth, as they moved out more and more so that he could only just stand.

"No you don't." She replied, a coy smile distracting him whilst she slid her hands onto his shoulders and, abruptly, shoved him underwater.

Snape immediately shot back out and gasped, his body now a searing, tingling mess.

"It's…so…cold…" He chattered. His wet clothes were clinging to him, making him even colder. He struggled and removed his own jumper and Slytherin-coloured tie. He pushed them towards the bank, hoping there were no grindywalds that liked clothing around.

"Worth it, eh?" Lily wiggled her eyebrows, and Snape marvelled at how she could possibly be enjoying this.

"I can't say I'm loving it." He wheezed. "I thought you were going to make it worth my while?" He added, his body turning numb from the cold. "If you just meant that we'd get to experience another trip to see dear Madam Pomfrey by-"

Lily silenced him with one swift movement. Near the same tree where yesterday Snape had summoned the audacity to straddle her, Lily now supported herself by positioning her legs around his waist.

Not even the icy water could turn his body numb now.

Snape's arms immediately moved towards her, and with a jolt he realised that her skirt was gone, and sure enough he saw it floating near his own clothes by the mossy bank. His hands gently held her thighs and he slipped slightly on the bed of the lake, looking at Lily and laughing softly. He was a complete bag of nerves.

Slowly, but surely, the eyes that he was staring into seemed to inch closer. Lily hoped that he hadn't yet mastered the Legilimency he had spoken so excitedly about, because if he had, a severe amount of impure thoughts might then have been dispelled. With an ache of panic, and a heart ready to burst, she allowed her hand through his wet hair and glanced down at his lips.

Snape took a hand off her leg and cupped her chin softly.

"No." He said. "_Look at me._"

"SNIVELLUS!" A roar came from the tree, and for a moment the world seemed to fast-forward.

Lily could have killed James Potter. She could have murdered him.

Snape was absolutely livid.

They looked away from each other.

Potter's smirking face greeted them, full of triumph, along with an amused Black, and Professor McGonagall.

* * *

**James Potter. What. A. Guy. UGH**

**OMG... "Look at me!" One of the things I love JK for most. Brilliant line. Hope I did it some sort of justice! I love that its entirely plausible that Snape probably had said that to Lily before he did to Harry, because he was obsessed with her eyes so much. **


	6. There's Something About a War

**I hate this chapter. Because now I don't know which direction the sky is and which direction the ground is. Literally. Potter being NICE? Could my characters BE more 3d?! (joking...)**

**Please R&R because it's the giddy feeling that makes me continue:)**

* * *

The scene continued for a few diabolical moments, Snape still supporting Lily's weight, their shocked faces inches apart, until Professor McGonagall almost stamped her foot in impatience.

"Might I be so bold as to request your presence in my office, _both of you_, immediately?" She said, her voice a little more shrill than usual.

Lily attempted to detach herself from Snape, but his hands gripped her thighs quite firmly. She coughed to garner his attention, but he was busy, apparantly trying to see if he could murder Potter by use of intense eyes. She wiggled for a few futile seconds, then whispered "_Sev_!", causing him to jump. He looked down, embarrassed, and let go of her. Slowly they both waded towards the banks of the lake, Lily seizing her skirt and trying to inconspicuously dress underwater. Snape watched her out of the corner of his eyes as he stepped onto the grass, his clothes sticking to his cold body, making him appear even more slender than usual.

As Lily fumbled with the clasp of her skirt, she peered up at McGonagall with an expression of embarrassment and apology, then saw the amusement of Sirius, who wiggled his eyebrows, and the surprise of James, who looked, dumbstruck, from Lily to Snape and back again, the realisation of what had been occurring slowly dawning on his rather meek (for once) face.

Snape picked up his wand from the pile of his and Lily's things by the tree, wary to step too near Potter or Black even with the comfort of McGonagall's presence, who was presently scowling at him.

He transfigured Lily's jumper into a large black towel, and held it out for her whilst she stepped out of the lake, shivering. She allowed him to drape it around her, and noticed a slight air of curiosity in the face of Professor McGonagall, but it was gone just as soon as it had come. Snape grabbed all of his and Lily's belongings, not wanting to irritate McGonagall any more than he had, evidently, already done.

"Follow me, please." Said McGonagall as she began making clean strides back towards the castle. However, upon noticing that not just Snape and Lily, but Potter and Black too were following directly in her shadow, she barked;

"James and Sirius – I thank you for your intervention thus far, but you will most certainly not be needed from here on in."

"Just trying to be helpful, Professor." Sirius chimed, smiling. He and James exchanged looks and strode off into the distance, laughing.

_Intervention_? Snape thought. He tried to catch Lily's eye, for she was walking beside him in her towel, but her head was bowed and she seemed to be staring at the ground pretty angrily, considering it was the ground.

"Your little lie is turning out to be really fun. I had worried it might have repercussions, but it's nice to be proven wrong every once in a while." Snape muttered.

Lily shot him a glare.

They were now entering the castle, and making their way up the main staircase, all eyes being drawn to the trail of water they were leaving behind as they hurried after Professor McGonagall, their feet hitting the hard ground audibly. Snape tried to glare at all the boys whose eyes lingered on Lily's exposed legs, being particularly outraged when Mr. Filch stooped past, a file under his arm and a disgusting half-grin on his face.

"Are you going to tell her it's not true?" He asked.

"Are you ashamed or something?"

"What – But - But it's not even _true_!" He replied, perplexed.

Lily had no time to reply, for they had finally reached McGonagall's office. It was delightfully warm and almost _homely_, Lily noted with surprise. She had always thought of McGonagall as a bit of an 'ice queen', despite liking her head of house, who was always awarding Lily points for her progressive and thorough work in Transfiguration… Though sadly Lily knew this would not be one of those happy occasions.

"As you both know-" said Professor McGonagall, swooping behind her desk and sitting, gesturing for Lily and Snape to do the same. "Ah!" She cried, just as Snape was lowering himself onto the chair. She swiftly conjured a towel which laid itself out on the chair. He looked at her blankly, until she motioned that he should now sit.

"As you both know," she began again, "swimming in the Great Lake is strictly prohibited, for reasons that I will not patronise the two of you with." Her glasses flashed. "Unless you two are actually oblivious to your rule breaking."

Snape scowled. Lily though, earnestly apologized. "No, we both understand that swimming is forbidden, and why." She looked at Snape and spoke for them both. "We're very sorry, Professor."

"Be that as it may, Miss. Evans, I shall be deducting twenty points from both Slytherin, _and_ Gryffindor."

_Taking points from your own house_, Snape thought. It was something he would _never_ do, if he was ever a head of house.

"And," she said, whilst Snape prepared for the worst, "you will both serve a detention tomorrow night from six to eight, reporting for it _promptly_ back here."

Lily and Snape both sat there for a few seconds more, McGonagall watching them with a slight discomfort beginning to creep onto her face.

"Now…" She said, as she cleared her throat. "There is another issue I would like to take with you both, that James Potter and Sirius Black have brought to my attention. If the issue wasn't getting enough attention already." She added, clearly referring to the events of that morning in the Great Hall.

Snape could think of a million reasons why McGonagall should disregard anything either Potter or Black had to say to her, and came close to letting them be known, but for Lily's sake, held his tongue.

McGonagall looked at Lily expectantly, as if she was waiting for Lily to spill her guts. From her relationships with teachers, Snape was learning, she was the clear favourite in their year for the Head Girl position one day. _Merlin forbid Potter became her counterpart_… Though unless his common sense and etiquette duplicated by about a hundred, and his pranks ceased… _Fat chance_, Snape thought happily.

Lily stared blankly back, so McGonagall brought up the inevitable, albeit reluctantly.

"I have heard some disquieting rumours that the two of you… That you have…"

Snape watched in astonishment as Minerva McGonagall was lost for words.

"I would like to make it perfectly clear…" She coughed. "That any… Intimate relations between students on schools grounds is strictly forbidden. Strictly."

She cast a disapproving gaze in Snape's direction, before turning back to Lily, which caused him to blurt out, angrily;

"I would not hasten to believe everything you hear from the delightfully small brains and grotesquely large mouths of Potter and Black, _Professor_."

"What he means is-" Lily cut in, apologetically, "-that we are the victims of a rather vicious rumour, and that we are aware of the school rules concerning this topic."

McGonagall looked only slightly placated. "Not to mention that you two are both underage…"

Snape turned violet. "If I have done nothing else worthy of punishment, Professor, may I be excused?"

She regarded him with a little dissatisfaction, then nodded her approval. He stood up, picked up his bag, robes, tie, jumper and shoes, which were still soaking wet, and slumped out of the room, not looking at Lily as he went.

He did not enjoy the same reception he had previously, walking towards McGonagall's office, with Lily in tow. Now, as he sped up, heading for the common room, people began laughing, winking and leering at his wet attire and messy hair.

* * *

It was only midday, but Lily was already prepared to set fire to the Gryffindor common room in the hopes of extinguishing James Potter's smirk from the face of the earth. 

She stalked towards the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Belch powder." She murmered.

"Excuse me, dear?" The Fat Lady replied, joyously.

"_BELCH POWDER_!"

"Well dear, you only had to say so..." She replied, offended, swinging open.

She stormed in, to find, as expected, Sirius, Peter, Remus, and, whilst her stomach lurched –

"POTTER!"

He sprang up from his armchair as she ran towards him, a first year crumbling to the floor in her wake.

"How _dare_ you imply to Professor McGonagall that – that Severus and I -"

He held his hands out in front of his person in defence, just in case she tried to slap him.

"Evans, Evans… I'm just trying to look out for your best interests!" He grinned.

"And what are my best interests, Potter?!" She asked, indignant. "What would you know about my best interests?! You know nothing about anything! You certainly don't know anything about _me_!"

His smile faded slightly, and for a second it threw Lily off.

"Of course I do." He said, in what, with reeling horror and shock, Lily detected was a voice laced with the slightest bit of tenderness. Her world was surely collapsing at the very foundations.

"Look, James," She began, adding quickly "-Potter."

_James? What the hell are you thinking!_

"Yes Lily? Whoops, I mean Evans." He smiled.

Lily, meanwhile, grew impatient through her shock. "The friendship between Severus and I-"

"_Friendship_?" Sirius piped up. "I wish all my friendships got such... _fun_ priviledges.

Remus looked over, his eyebrows raised. "Don't get your hopes up, Moony." Sirius winked. Remus shook his head and continued reading, smiling to himself.

But whilst Sirius was acting cool, James actually looked like he cared.

"_Friendship_? You're just _friends_?" He asked, his blue eyes looking at Lily with obvious excitement.

Lily hesitated. She didn't know the answer herself. She had no idea what Severus would have said.

She quickly turned around to climb the spiralling staircase.

James took a step forwards.

"_Lily_."

And for a split second, it could have been Sev saying her name, for in that one word she heard all the feeling that he ever put into it, now coming from James.

She spun around and looked at him curiously.

"I know plenty about you. I know that your favourite…"

She was gone before he could dispel what he was evidently aching to.

* * *

James sighed, and retreated to his armchair, glaring at a third year who had taken his absence as a marvellous opportunity to sit in what James had commandeered since his very first day in the common room. 

"Bad luck, Prongs." Remus said. "But I'd take in these few minutes now, and remember them, because the second she finds out what you did to Snape-"

Sirius interrupted him with a loud "AHEM."

Remus groaned. "Fine – _Snivellus_… Well, when she finds out, it's over. As in, more over than it is right now. We'll have to find a new word for over."

Peter chuckled.

Sirius threw a book at his head.

"What am I supposed to do?" James exclaimed, apparently conflicted. "Just let that greasy git get his hands all over her?"

"Think it might be a bit late for that, mate." Sirius whispered loudly, grinning.

"Oh, don't be stupid. It's not like they've had _sex_. Sniv won't even know what sex _is_."

"Because you're so experienced." Remus rolled his eyes.

"Twice isn't bad, Moony. And listen. You can mark my words. I _will get there first_. With Lily. I will."

"Anyone up for a wager?" Sirius announced, and a couple of older Gryffindor boys came forwards coyly.

Mere moments later, Sirius glanced at James, full of mock seriousness. "Prongs. I have twenty galleons riding on this. Don't let me down."

"Have I ever?"

* * *

**UGH. Boys!**


	7. Remember?

**Hey! Thanks for all the reviews, please keep them up! I love hearing everyone's opinions! ESPECIALLY the ones that hate Potter! lol**

**I enjoyed writing this chapter quite a bit - it has the first writing I've ever done of Lily/Sev's childhood. It was incredibly fun to write. I love them so much. So I'd especially love feedback on that aspect. **

**Anyway, as said, R&R...and...MADAM POMFREY IS LOVE YET AGAIN!!! lol**

* * *

Snape and Lily didn't see each other for the remainder of that weekend, until their History of Magic class on Monday morning.

Snape hadn't been in the mood to see anyone, not even Lily. Potter had hexed him upon his soaking wet return to the common room, much to the delight of the surrounding students, and he had been suffering an incredibly painful stomach ache which was making him double up in agony during the intervals of not throwing up slugs. It was Nott who had snapped first, and looking up from his game of gobstones with Avery, had barked that Snape had better go to the hospital wing before their entire bathroom was covered in slime.

So yet again he found himself confined to Madam Pomfrey's company, as she busied herself about the hospital wing, whistling loudly and being almost insufferably content, making Snape wish he could cough up the remaining slugs in his own dormitory.

Of course, at least she wasn't speaking to him. Snape winced at the memory of her shriek of displeasure when he admitted he had not been drinking his nettle tea. He was now being forced to down a sickly mixture of the smelly tea and particular antidote for Potter's hex, to neutralise his stomach lining, or whatever it was that Potter had so joyously upset.

His illness did mean, however, that he had to be excused from his detention under Pomfrey's strictest orders. At 6pm, Sunday evening, Snape was reclining alone on a hospital wing bed, having opted for the curtains to be drawn around him so he didn't have to look at the plump Hufflepuff girl laying opposite him whose eyes had enlarged to the size of quidditch quads, and were swivelling about in a very eerie manner.

His head felt ready to explode, with so many niggling thoughts dashing about inside it.

_I hope Lily isn't sore that she's serving detention alone..._

A smaller, more hostile voice started ringing through him.

_Of course she's sore, it's your fault she got it!_

_My fault? How is it my fault?! She dragged me into that lake! The Potter Prat gave us up!_

_You're the one putting your arms around her and being inappropriate!_

_I am not inappropriate!_

_Since when do best friends do this stuff?_

Snape faltered. Maybe Lily was just that kind of girl.

_Don't be stupid, you know she's not. She's not like that with Potter._

_Ah_, came that voice again,_ but he's got plans to change that. And what are you going to do about it?_

If Snape could have felt sicker, he would have done. Potter had told him, out of earshot, whilst Snape had grabbed onto a suit of armour for support as a festering mess of slugs had shot out of him, to leave Lily alone, because Lily was his.

_"And what's more," Potter sneered, "More than just her friendship is going to be my prize at the end of this. I'll win her over, Slugulus, just you wait and see." His voice lowered to nothing more than a hush, out of the earshot of even Black, "And it'll give me more pleasure than anything knowing that I'll get to go where you've never even got close to..."_

Snape had realised, at that moment, that Potter was more than just a bully - he was a threat to everything Snape held dear. Which was Lily. He had vowed, (in his head, of course, for the slugs had temporarily paralyzed his speech), that he would, under absolutely no circumstances, allow Potter to corrupt something so pure as Lily.

And he would go to _any_ lengths to keep that promise... For the greater good.

* * *

When Lily and Snape sat down on opposite sides of the room for History of Magic, Professor Binns already droning on about the 16th century Goblin uprising of Haysd, they had not spoken since Saturday morning.

Lily allowed herself to cast one concerned look at Severus, who was even paler than usual, but Alice, who she was sitting with, had nudged her harshly and so she had looked away, hoping, despite her annoyance at his snubbing of her the past two days, that he had at least been drinking his nettle tea.

"Alice!" She whispered. "I need you to send Sev - Snape - a note telling him to drink nettle tea, throughout the course of the day, daily, until Friday."

"And would you like that with or without fries?" Alice replied.

Lily smacked her arm and shoved a piece of parchment in front of Alice, who sighed and began scrawling. Lily nodded appreciatively, until she noticed the line, framed with love-hearts at the bottom; "_Forever yours and yours alone, Lily Snape._"

But it was too late, for Alice had already scrunched it up and hurled it in Snape's general direction - it hit the side of his face, where he still had the faint marks of Nott's bruise, causing his whole body to jump with alarm. Several members of the class sniggered.

"_That was not supposed to be sent from me_!" Lily hissed.

"Oh. Should've said so." Came the bored reply.

Snape opened up the ball quickly and read it, a blank expression on his face, until Lily saw his eyebrows twitch slightly.

Lily's head dropped onto her desk with a loud thud. Professor Binns, of course, heard nothing - he was almost completely deaf.

Snape read over the last line again, too nervous to even look Lily's way.

_Lily Snape_, he mused.

The words had once been joined together in the past, and Snape reminisced, wondering if Lily still remembered too.

_"Severus..." Lily began, whilst twiddling a little daisy between her fingers._

_A little smile twisted Snape's mouth as she said his name. He looked up at her little figure sitting cross-legged in their own little private spot, in a small thicket of trees, a sunlit river gleaming through their trunks. Snape felt like it was their place, their only place, where he and his only friend could not be disturbed by the world and its trivialities._

_"What happens if I get a kiss from a Dementor? Are they boys or girls? Do you die?"_

_He considered this._

_"I don't know if they're boys or girls. And you don't die, it just takes away your soul."_

_"Oh." Said Lily. She stole a glance at Snape. He was slightly taller than she was, skinnier, although Lily hoped that didn't mean she was fat - sometimes Tuney called her that as a joke, though. In the cool, green shade, even with his dirty hair and odd clothes, she thought he was the most interesting boy she had ever met._

_Snape took out a little pen-knife from his pocket, and opened it up._

_"Where'd you get that?" She asked, eyeing the knife suspiciously, slightly scared of its sharp edge which he was running his finger over. She'd never admit it to him, though._

_"Found it in my house." He said, quietly. Suddenly, he stood up, and made his way over to a large tree. He began carving something out, his tongue sticking out in concentration as he did it. Lily giggled and skipped over to the tree too._

_She watched him cutting the bark on the tree until he stepped back and admired his work._

_It read Lily & Severus._

_Lily didn't say anything, just looked at the words thoughtfully._

_"Just to - to say we're friends." Snape mumbled quickly._

_Lily nodded. "I saw this on TV once." She said. "But the lady doing it was doing it in celebration of her wedding day, for her and her husband!"_

_Snape somehow doubted his mother had done that on her wedding day. But then again, there were little moments that barely ever happened at his house that did make Snape believe that, once upon a time, his mother and his father must have been happy, someplace._

_Lily giggled._

_"What's so funny?" Snape asked, smiling._

_"Can you imagine if we ever got married?" Lily laughed, before moving in front of Snape and putting her daisy through one of the buttons of his large, white smock._

_"There, now you look like the broom!"_

_"What broom?" Snape asked, puzzled._

_"I meant the groom, of course!" Lily admitted, annoyed._

_Snape thought about the idea of one day marrying this little, freckled, redhead girl. And it gave him a warm feeling inside._

_It was his turn to laugh._

_"What?" Lily's eyes narrowed._

_"Your name would be Lily Snape!" He chuckled._

_"It sounds fine, thank-you-very-much!" She crossed her arms._

_"It sounds OK." He lied. It sounded absolutely magical to him._

_But as he finished saying it, she had grabbed the pen-knife sneakily, and was already attempting to carve something else._

_"Lily! Be careful with that!" He said. Well, if she was going to be his wife, he may as well start looking after her already, he thought._

_When she was finished, they both looked proudly at the new carving, directly underneath the Lily & Severus._

And on every evening before a new year of Hogwarts began, Snape had gone to look at their tree, running his fingers over _Lily Snape_ - over what had been their past, and wondering whether it could ever hold some truth for their future.

He raised his head, tearing his eyes away from the words on the crumpled parchment.

He looked over at Lily, who was apparently sleeping, her head laying on her desk facing away from him, and at Alice, who smirked at him.

He scribbled a note back, charmed it, and it flew over to their desk.

_Alice,_

_Thanks for the note. Please tell Lily that the tea is being sadly neglected for the fact that its scent alone might have killed someone's pet rat in my common room last night. Tell her not to worry, it's no tragedy. The rat had it coming._

_Severus_

_PS. Lily, you'd have more luck working the moves on Binns. I'm not sure he's even spoken to a woman since the clubbing of Gondoline Oliphant by trolls in 1799._

_PPS. It should now be perilously clear to you both that I will be receiving a well deserved Outstanding in this O.W.L._

Alice read the message, smiling, then prodded Lily, who grabbed the message; read it, scowling, and finally looked at Snape.

"You're supposed to be drinking the tea! I don't _care_ about some rat!"

"Tell that to Potter." He replied back snidely. A few classmates were shaking their heads at Lily and Snape's blatant disregard for the fact that they were supposed to be learning in what, Snape had to admit, however loosely, _was_ a class. Binns, on the other hand, was completely oblivious.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine. I will no longer enquire after your health."

"Good." Snape said.

"I am going to get a Troll in this O.W.L." Rosier snapped, from behind Snape. "So I would be much obliged if you two lovebirds could save this fascinating conversation for after class."

Snape lowered his head and tried to focus on whatever it was that Binns was saying. Lily did so too. Out of the corner of his eye, though, he could have sworn she was smiling.


	8. It Wasn't Meant to Happen

**Thanks for all the reviews! They really keep me going! Please R&R with ideas, thoughts - even -shudder- criticisms. **

**Is it wrong that I literally love the Death Eater crew? Mulciber is HILARIOUS! Nott is a tosser, admittedly, but Malfoy is sexy, Bella is cool. And Avery is cute. Forget JAMES POTTER and that lark! lol**

**AN: It took me a while to decide on if it would be OOC for Sirius to "whimper". But, if he used to be such bullying scum as a teenager and reformed to become the gorgeous Gary Oldman we all trust and love - he must have been pretty damn different in his Hogwarts years. So from now on he shall be bullying scum that is a teency bit of a coward when its like 20-on-one. :D**

* * *

Snape had never mentioned to Lily the way Potter had spoken to him about her. He would have loved nothing more than for Lily to renounce Potter completely from her life, and Snape had not kept Potter's foul intentions to himself for any moral reason. 

But the idea of having to relay to Lily that a motive for Potter was… He cringed at the thought – _beating him to it_ – and thus the now rather widespread belief that Snape himself had an agenda – made Snape feel sick. It was, of course, a vile lie that Potter was sporting – that Snape's intentions were anything less than honourable, but Snape didn't want to embarrass Lily, or make her feel uncomfortable when they were together. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself.

That was, until the night of Halloween.

The castle was buzzing with excitement at the rumour that Dumbledore had booked a troupe of dancing skeletons. Suits of armour had been enchanted by Professor Flitwick to shout "Boo!" at random intervals to scare students, though by October 31st, after this had been occurring for a week, and after many delivered owls to Flitwick begging him to remove the charms, no one could say they were very sorry to see the festive season come to a close.

Halloween also signified the start of the Quidditch season, and it was with great fervour that the student body – and the staff – began to anticipate the first match in November – Slytherin vs. Gryffindor. The Houses kept more and more to themselves, if that were possible, whilst the teams undertook some quite intensive training.

It stole Lily away from Snape, and ensured she spent most of her evenings, and her weekends, with Potter.

"Are you sure you want to leave me, yet again, for a broomstick and a snitch?" He asked, only half-jokingly, as they walked together towards the Great Hall for lunch, having just suffered an hour of "caring for magical creatures", which had today entailed throwing bits of rotten meat towards Pogrebins, miserable beasts which resembled large grey rocks.

"Don't begrudge talent, Sev. It's not very becoming. Anyway, you won't be complaining when I'm incredibly rich and famous." Lily replied, smiling.

"As if I'll be getting one Knut of your winnings." Snape said.

"Look, I promise we won't miss the next Hogsmeade trip; and I'm sorry about last time. I know that's the only reason you resent my being on the team."

"I can think of another reason." Snape said moodily.

Lily sighed. "Well don't bore me with it. Will I be seeing you tonight at the feast? I heard Dumbledore's booked a-"

"-Troupe of dancing skeletons, yes. I heard. And I'm sure we'll be seeing each other – if by 'seeing' you mean a quick wave from opposite ends of the hall when your Quidditch team isn't looking."

"Oh," she laughed bitterly, "because it's not like your life isn't being dictated by Malfoy and Mulciber?"

"No, it's not." He sneered. "At least they don't go around hexing my friends. Says a lot for your little gang, doesn't-"

"They are _not_ my little gang." She was rapidly losing patience. "But I'd sooner be best friends with Potter than a bunch of _death eaters_."

A few startled Hufflepuffs looked over.

"Then that is your misfortune Lily, because you'd have a better chance of not ending up sprawled out on the floor with your legs spread."

_Gracefully put._

Lily shot him a look of disgust before turning a corner and disappearing out of sight.

_Fuck_.

Lily didn't make an appearance over lunch, and Snape would have known – he spent the entire hour in the Hall, rationalizing that she had to turn up to grab a sandwich at some point. He knew Lily and her formidable appetite.

That she was apparently not eating made Snape confront the fact that he had really, really messed up. It must have hit crisis point.

So it was nervously and remorsefully that he showered and dressed to attend the Halloween Feast.

Nott grunted from his bed. "How can it be, Snape, that you've supposedly washed but your hair still looks greasy?"

"Shut up, Nott." Avery spat.

Snape was taken aback for a moment. _Avery…being kind_?

"Get a move on Nott, we'll be late." Mulciber said. He was scrutinizing his chin in a mirror, shaving where thick black stubble was becoming beard. He then picked up a small purple bottle from under his bed, and sprayed himself with it.

Avery looked over, an odd smirk plastered across his face.

"She's two years older than you, mate. Not – a – chance." Avery started laughing and Nott joined in.

Snape looked over, amused. "What's this, Mulciber? You have your eye on a special someone…?"

"As a matter of fact, I do." Mulciber replied defensively.

"Just guess! Guess who it is!" Avery could barely control his glee.

Snape thought of all the seventh years. Then all the seventh year Slytherins. Then all the attractive seventh year Slytherins. Then all the attractive seventh year Slytherins who held the same beliefs as his group did.

"Bellatrix Black would never have you." Snape drawled, smirking.

Mulciber was surprised for a moment, before slamming down his cologne on his table. "_And why not_?" He asked, indignantly.

"Because she's currently enjoying the advances of one Rodolphus Lestrange, whom I trust you know of."

Lestrange was one of the Dark Lord's most favoured servants. Snape had only met him once, at a death eater meeting he had been to in a forlorn house just outside Hogsmeade on one of the days when students could enjoy free time there. The owner, an elderly woman with whispy grey hair named Perpetua Fancourt, had been Imperiused by Lestrange, who was their host of sorts.

He had immediately struck Snape as an impressive figure. Well built and handsome, well dressed and well spoken – almost instantaneously he exuded a sense of power. Snape found it insatiable. He had looked around at his death eater companions – some older, like the squat Amycus Carrow, some younger and of course friends of his, like Lucius Malfoy – and found that all of them were watching Lestrange with a kind of silent awe.

Snape knew it was respect.

"Not that your scent isn't extremely alluring… I myself am finding it hard to resist." Snape said with a smirk.

Mulciber looked furious for a brief moment, then returned Snape's smirk, clapping his hands together and looking at the dorm.

"I hate you all. Come on, we're late."

They all trudged out, Snape pausing at Mulciber's table to quickly spray himself with the cologne.

It was an odd feeling, but Snape had recently started to feel part of something. This year he had started attending the death eater meetings, finally caving into the firm advice of his dorm and especially Lucius Malfoy. He couldn't say that he completely bought into all of the Dark Lord's plans and beliefs – but he longed to be respected the same way the higher members of the society were.

Other than Lily – and as he thought fleetingly of her he felt a pang of regret, so he quickly shoved her out of his mind – he had never experienced friendship. It made Snape feel safe to be able to depend on more than one person. His mother was a wreck, and no matter how much Snape had pleaded with her as a young boy, would not abandon his father. She had never been dependable. No-one had been, except his little, fiery, toothy redheaded friend. But he wasn't willing to give up his new friends in exchange for a whim.

_Lily's not a whim._

_Are all consciences this argumentative?_

_It's my job._

_Shut up._

They met with Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix and a few others downstairs in the common room, continuing on to the Great Hall.

Malfoy chose to walk with Snape, behind the rest of the group.

"Severus." He said, his voice silky yet commanding, smiling slightly and bowing his head in greeting.

"Lucius." Snape replied, adding hastily, "How are things?"

"Splendid, splendid…" Lucius looked at Snape and his eyes glittered. He lowered his voice, though Snape didn't know why – from his experience little secrets were kept between his present company. "I actually wanted to deliver some good news. I used your _Whincarcep_ spell this summer… In the presence of the Dark Lord. He found it very…Amusing. Has our young prodigy manufactured anything else?"

Snape was momentarily thunderstruck at the idea of the Dark Lord being amused. The reality then sunk in that he, himself – Severus Tobias Snape – was known to the Dark Lord. Appreciated, even. _Prodigy_. Here was this unfathomably wealthy, well connected young man in Lucius, complimenting the nothingness – or so he had previously believed – that was Snape.

"Indeed I have." Snape began, smugly. "I call it," He said, putting out royal airs, "_Sectumse_-"

"_Get out of my way, Sirius_!"

Snape looked up ahead, and saw, to his horror, a gaggle of people squaring up to the Slytherins. Bellatrix was at the helm, telling her younger cousin to move. Snape desperately tried to see if Lily was amongst them, earning one curious but knowing look from Lucius.

Snape and Lucius made their way to the front of the Slytherins, where a seething Regulus Black had been the victim of a tripping hex by his older brother, who had been leaning against the wall with a girl whom Snape immediately recognised to be Mary Mcdonald, Lily's friend. Sirius had then evidently stepped out into the middle of the corridor to block Regulus' path, and as Bellatrix was confronting him, a scene was rapidly developing. Snape was grateful that there appeared to be no more Gryffindors in sight, but a large gaggle of Hufflepuffs were drawing closer, their Halloween festivities temporarily halted.

"Mother won't be pleased that her favourite niece is being so nasty…" Sirius quipped.

"Maybe it's time for that new curse to be put to use, Severus…" Lucius said, and chuckled.

Sirius' head twitched Snape's name, and soon enough their eyes met.

"So…" Sirius started. "You're part of this little petty gang that is indoctrinating my brother."

Snape realised with fear that Black could ruin him. _Any mention of _–

"_Lily_ won't be happy. Then again, I doubt she'll be surprised either."

Snape withdrew his wand and took a step forwards, aiming at Black's head.

Regulus and Bellatrix moved to one side, both looking disgustedly at Sirius and curiously at Snape.

Snape would give Black a chance. His eyes bore into Sirius', and he tried to convey his own panic, a warning, but Sirius just shook his head, and slowly drew his own wand.

"_Expelliarmus_!"

It took a moment for everyone to find the source of the high-pitched, frightened sound.

Sirius looked down, aghast, wandless.

Mary Mcdonald stood trembling behind him.

"I'm sorry, Sirius, I had to." She was almost sobbing.

For a split-second fear made Sirius' features alight. Then he stared at Snape.

"Saved by a girl, Snivellus. How fitting." He sneered.

Snape flew forwards and grabbed Sirius' collar, almost lifting him up off the floor. He pressed his wand against Sirius' temple.

Sirius let out a breath that contained the faintest, almost inaudible whimper, which gave him away. Snape held him, frozen, purposefully dragging it out.

He then pushed him backwards, and picked up Sirius' wand from the floor, a short way away. He looked at it for a while, until he heard Regulus mumble "Snap it."

Sirius shot him a look of utter contempt.

Snape held it out for Sirius, his expression blank. He had often heard that the Dark Lord was merciful.

Sirius took it swiftly, and pocketed it. He stepped to Mary, grabbing her by the arm, and started marching them away down the corridor, dodging through the crowds.

Snape cleared his throat very loudly and intentionally. He could almost see the work taking place in Black's head – wondering if it would be more or less wise and dangerous to ignore him.

Sirius froze, not turning back to face the Slytherins. Mary though, clearly inexperienced in such scenes, did.

"Never interfere in such matters which do not concern you, _Mudblood_."

Bellatrix let out an insatiable laugh. Soon all the Slytherins were laughing.

Mary's face was the picture of shock and upset before Sirius continued to tug her away.

The second he had let the word slip he had felt that someday, somehow it would come back to haunt him. He knew it had been a mistake.

The entire way to the Great Hall hands were clapping him on the back, whilst Regulus complained tirelessly about his brother's confused priorities.

Lily's voice rang through him. _Lily_'s upset. _Lily_'s hurt. _Lily_'s disappointment. But there was no turning back now.

They entered _en masse_ to the Great Hall, where indeed a dancing troupe of skeletons stood at the end of the Hall, jiggling and jumping, much to the delight of Dumbledore.

Snape stole a fleeting look at Lily. She was sitting next to Potter. Next to Potter was Black. They were in what looked like heated discussion.

Snape didn't have time to dwell on it though, for he was ushered to the Slytherin table, where he sat in the middle of his friends; the conversation excitedly centred on, and enveloping, him.

* * *

**This night was initially going to be one chapter, but it's just too long. Anywhoo... the rest will be up soon. And of course will have more actual Lily/Sev interaction (and finally some action!! LOL). Because we love it.**


	9. Perpetual Anticipation

**Well finally. Sorry for the short delay, but with AS level results and celebrations and parties etc it's been hard to find time. Although these two buggers have never left my head. I am actually obsessed with Snape. Like writing this story is a little compulsive now. Anyway, a new chapter tomorrow.**

**PLEASE R&R.**

* * *

Lily sighed.

"Where is Mary now?" She asked Sirius.

He shrugged. "She ran off crying, didn't she? I had to come here though, couldn't wait to tell you guys! I mean that – that _greasy_, _despicable_, _evil_, _grimy_, _ugly_ _bastard_!"

"Git. You forgot git." James added helpfully, grinning.

Lily wasn't upset. Because she hadn't confronted what she had been told. She felt like she was going through stages. First had come shock:

"_What? He called her what? …What?!"_

Denial had followed suit:

"_I don't believe it. I won't. You're a lying bugger, Sirius… Oh, shut up Potter. You can't tell me you're honestly buying into this?"_

Thankfully anger hadn't hit yet.

_Merlin help those dancing bloody skeletons when it does._

She tried to reason that Sirius must have been cooking it up to be more dramatic than it was. Severus would never have been so hurtful… So cruel… Completely unprovoked…

She glanced over at him, only to find, with shock, that he was laughing along with several of his friends and a few older looking Slytherins. In five years Lily had never once seen Severus laugh with anyone other than herself.

Lily was still in a daze when the feast ended. Numbly she lamented that she had missed out on even more food. She seized a jam doughnut and crammed it into her mouth before all the food disappeared from the table, earning a few disdainful looks from Gryffindor girls and an admiring smile from James. If her mouth hadn't been full and ready to burst, she would have let out a definitive "ugh".

As she left the Hall, marching after the Marauders, her haze of denial began to slip. All Severus' friends brandished 'mudblood' around as though it were a catchphrase. Why wouldn't he? Yes, Mary was Lily's friend – that didn't make her Severus'. In fact, Mary disliked Severus – why would she be more than a common 'mudblood' to him?

_Why do you expect any different from a Slytherin?_

She looked ahead irritably as she walked, trying to ignore James as he threw a pose, swivelling back to grin at her – Sirius' words rang out down the corridor, and it was obvious he was still complaining by the distasteful whinging tone in his voice. The usual words.

_Git._

_Turd._

_Dungbomb._

_Death Eater._

It was perhaps the true connotation of the latter that made her freeze in terror; too terrified to scream; as her body was captured and, in a flash, pulled through a door that read "Out Of Order" and into a darkened room.

She was absolutely still as she stared up into the face of Severus Snape; her mind still reeling from the shock; and her body shaking slightly from being manhandled.

Snape eyed her and smirked.

Lily's palm collided with Snape's face so fast that she was already halfway out the door before he had realised he had been hit.

He grabbed her arm so hard that it took everything for her not to cry out, wrenching her back towards him and pressing her into the wall.

Finally the silence was broken by deep breathing. Lily was looking at the tiled and wet floor, not allowing herself the pain and satisfaction of seeing where she had slapped him. Snape's hand closed on his tingling cheek.

Lily waited for him to say his piece. She continued to state at the floor, irate, and as more and more time passed, disbelieving at his lack of an apology.

Suddenly she reared her head and almost challengingly demanded; "_What are we doing here?_"

Snape's only logic was that he knew no-one ever visited the dark, dank second-floor bathroom, and he knew they would not be disturbed.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" She asked. "Right. Makes sense. You have nothing _to_ say. Get everything out of your system earlier, did you?"

Snape took a step towards her, his brow furrowed, his breathing steeped, watching Lily intensely as if with concentration.

It unnerved her slightly.

"She's my friend." She said, a little more quietly, a little more meekly.

He couldn't tell her he didn't mean it. He had very deliberately said it, and very deliberately meant it. His only regret was of what repercussions it would produce.

"I'm aware." He replied seriously.

Their close proximity dawned on Lily all too quickly, but she felt the cold, hard stone against her back and didn't want to show any weakness in edging away.

_This isn't a good time to get butterflies, Juliet._

Suddenly, as his eyes bore into hers, the hairs on the back of Lily's neck began to prickle, and she felt exposed and vulnerable.

Snape's expression turned to that of hunger as he attempted to search her; for what he did not know. But in one moment he had felt that he would die without knowing her completely and undeniably: it didn't matter that it was a penetration she hadn't accepted; he needed it, and he wanted it. Somewhere he had known for some time now that with such an infinitely beautiful, infinitely free thing as Lily; the longing for just some _degree_ of control was becoming too strong to bear.

It was at that moment that Snape saw Lily's hurt, Lily's confusion, Lily's apprehension, Lily's desire, and Lily's fear.

"_Don't_." She breathed.

The frantic craving to soothe and exploit all that was surging through her almost overcame him, but, in their endless game of chess, it was her move.

Lily took a deep breath. "I can't be friends with someone who… Who treats my friends that way." She said slowly, trying hard just to get the words to come out right. Her mouth was being very uncooperative.

Snape barely moved his lips when answering; "I understand."

His restrain caused Lily to finally soar past the stage of anger with flying colours.

"Then why did you do it?!" She shrieked, her voice, so full of emotion, echoing around the bathroom, almost seeming to make the candlelight flicker.

"She – they – she humiliated me." Snape breathed. "In front of all-" he stopped, deeming it unwise to say what he meant. "And then _Black_-"

"Oh, here we go! The usual grudge! And I suppose Potter was there, _rallying_ all of Hogwarts against you, and that he-"

"So quick to defend him!" Snape sneered. "How quickly your opinions – your _affections_ – change from-"

"Are you _jealous_?" Lily's eyes were glimmering with an alien malice that Snape had never seen before. "If what you said to me earlier is just because of some inferiority complex-"

"What I said to you earlier was said in your defence." Snape snapped. "If you are too blind – too naïve – to realise that Potter's pursuit of you is both a threat and an insult – then – then perhaps you deserve each other."

"I have never heard such rubbish in my life!" Lily exclaimed. "Don't you think I know all this? Don't you think I know that he wants me? Insulting it may be – but a threat?" She laughed slightly at the word, but stopped upon realising that Snape was shaking.

"His intentions…" He mumbled, staring at her intently. "He threatened to-" He couldn't verbalize what he was trying to. "I won't let him," He hissed, one fist balled at his side. "I won't let him."

"You sound like he does when he talks about you."

It was as though a twig inside Snape's head had, unceremoniously and abrubtly, snapped.

"DON'T-" screamed Snape, his face suddenly distorted, rough, pained, "-COMPARE US!"

Instinct took over, and Lily lurched forwards to make for the door, but Snape did not move accordingly, and so their bodies collided. In an instant he gripped her wrists forcefully, preventing her from leaving. For what seemed like a lifetime she writhed in attempt to break his hold; both panting heavily - but gradually sobs became her, and her head was against his chest; her arms limp against her sides.

Eventually and with excruciating trepidation, Snape moved his arms around her in what felt like half-protection, half-restriction.

"Why are you doing this?" Lily mumbled, the tears subsiding; her voice muffled by his robes.

"I have no excuses for what I said-"

"That's not what I meant." She looked up at him, and knew impulsively that what she saw was all she needed to forgive. His dark eyes had softened slightly, and he seemed to contain remorse – though for which of his crimes she was not sure.

Snape squeezed Lily's back, and brought her closer towards himself. It took an embarrassingly long dialogue of debate within himself to deem it appropriate, following the rational line of there being no point in propriety after considerable physical intimidation against a girl – and so, Snape succumbed, and placed a small, but loving kiss on Lily's forehead.

Rather pathetically and inevitably, Snape's heart skipped a few beats.

Lily gazed up at him, and he had to consider that her eyes were perhaps the most luminous and beautiful he had ever seen them. Their green was electrifying, and her eyelashes seemed even more pronounced due to the moisture of her tears… Which had been spilt for him. It made him feel all the more for the delicate girl before him.

Lily decided that it was now or never, stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. She would have combusted into molecules if she had had to wait a second longer.

Thoughts flew from Snape's mind until there was nothing left but Lily. One hand caressed her neck as the other slid through her hair – the hair he had so longed to touch – which was now so languorously intertwined between his fingers – as their kiss lost its nerves and anxiety and became passion.

A low moan escaped Snape's lips as he quivered, making Lily giggle despite herself.

They parted, Snape moving to place soft kisses along Lily's neck, mumbling an almost inaudible; "So you think that's funny?"

A scream made Lily leap in terror.

A squat girl with lank hair, thick black glasses and pimples – a ghost, they soon realised – seemed to be weeping in the midst of their pleasure.

Lily glanced sideways at Snape, whom, she could tell (with much amusement), was clearly furious.

"Come to have a peep at fat, ugly Myrtle, have you? That's what they all say behind my back, then they come in here to taunt me with it!"

Snape was quite astonished at the stupidity and impertinence of the teenage ghost before them.

"Uh, no… Sorry…" Lily muttered.

"Didn't you _know_ this is my bathroom? Of course you did! You just wanted to come and have a go at moaning, moping, miserable Myrtle!" She cried.

"No, we really didn't!" Lily tried to reassure her. "We're very sorry – Myrtle – sorry to have bothered you…"

Lily took Snape's hand, much to his delight, and started taking tentative though definite steps towards the door.

They made it outside and stared down the deserted corridor without talking for a minute.

"I hate Hogwarts." Snape breathed.

Lily smiled, and it broke Snape's heart.

"I'm sorry for touching you like that in there-" The words came tumbling out of his mouth at a disarming pace.

Lily, still holding his hand, gave it a squeeze.

"It's fine. _Sev_?" He looked up. "It's fine."

The corner of Snape's mouth went up.

"Look. I won't judge you if you take a trip to Madam Pomfrey's just to check up on where I slapped you. I understand. I know how much you love her, and how the hospital wing is like a second home to you." Lily grinned.

Snape squeezed her hand back.

"Don't get nasty just because my common room is right next to-" his eyes glimmered, "_Slughorn's_."

Lily rolled her eyes and disappeared out of sight, whispering a final goodnight to Snape.

Her evening wouldn't end there, however. In the early hours of the morning, she would become resigned to another sleepless night, and feel for some parchment and a quill in the dark of her room.

Snape, whom of course would also find himself hopelessly awake throughout the recesses of night, would receive a brief note that looked like it had been scrawled by a blind writer.

_Sev._

_I didn't know you wore cologne..._


	10. Sooner or Later

**Hey! Thanks for all the amazing reviews, seriously. I'm glad people liked the last chapter, especially. This one - not much to say about it. Doesn't have the love of my life Madam Pomfrey. Kind of depressing. But it does have several other little funny delights, not least of all the idiotic Gryffindor Girls' Potter chant. Ha. **

**Crap ending, but it's 3.30am and I can't be bothered to write a good'un. That's pathetic. I'm an awful author. I have no idea how any of you lot can invest in this crap. Ha. Besides, the chapter would have been far too long if I'd written all the events of this night in. There'll probably be lots of James-ish angst, Marauders jokes, etc. It'll come soon in the next chapter, which I'll probably write tomorrow.**

**IF I get good reviews, so please R&R. Love ya'll. (the early hours of the morning clearly do funny things to me).**

* * *

Snape would spend the better part of the next month savouring the way Lily had tasted in his mouth, whilst Lily would still be stuck on just how _good_ he had smelled. 

Neither told anyone of what had transpired between them, for obvious reasons. Mary would now refuse to walk the castle alone, and Alice and Lily could no longer even mention Snape's name anywhere in Gryffindor Tower. Snape, of course, wouldn't have dreamed of letting slip that he and Lily had been romantic in the Slytherin dungeon – for fear of losing his friends and the respect he had started building up. He was busy perfecting his _Sectumsempra_ creation with the aim of passing it on to Malfoy, Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange. He wanted the Dark Lord to see it performed and be pleased. He wanted to be admired; regarded as an asset.

Lily and Snape never again discussed what he had said to Mary; and Snape was glad for it. He had told himself that he would not apologize for having hurt her feelings, because no matter how much he had tried to summon up some compassion for the bossy and talkative girl who had spent the last five years trying to convince Lily to end their friendship; it just wasn't there. He had no sympathy for her. He had more sympathy for Regulus Black, who was having to fend off his brother every time he found himself without company – Sirius apparently getting quite upset about Regulus' choices. Snape found it hard to imagine Sirius' laid back, cool, calm and joking form being upset over anything. His prevailing belief was that Sirius; in particular, out of the Marauders; had the emotional range of a teaspoon.

One brilliant consequence had come from the 'mudblood' incident. Potter and his pathetic little gang had laid off of Snape. Snape didn't know what their reasoning was; but he had not so much as spoken to any of them in almost three weeks. It was bliss to be able to walk around the castle without fear of having a bucket of slime fall on his head; or to see a giant banner slung out in the courtyard reading "_Snivellus Snape: Grimy or Greasy?_", charmed so that it would yell its question to anyone who walked within ten feet of it. That particular happy gift had been a third year occurrence that was not out of sorts with the abuse Snape was receiving. Black had been particularly insufferable that year – his mother had threatened to throw him out, apparently. Snape couldn't blame her.

Potter was still performing his regular circus tricks when it came to Lily; sending her enchanted flowers (though why it had never occurred to him to send an actual lily to Lily; Snape did not know), singing to her in the Great Hall, his voice amplified and deepened, constantly infesting the air with his pleas of courtship. Snape and Lily were busy discussing other matters.

"You just brushed my thigh."

"Did I? I'm very sorry…"

"No you're not." Lily whispered, with a tantalizing smile lighting her features. Yet again their Shared Cauldron was taking delight in operating as the sole barrier that kept their seats further apart than Snape would have had them be.

"You're right, I'm not." Snape breathed, moving around her to begin powdering moonstone for the Draught of Peace they were attempting to brew.

"I'm definitely reporting this." Lily said, nonchalantly. Snape laughed softly, looking over at her with an eyebrow raised. Lily announced, more loudly than she had intended; "These are blatant attempts to scandalize me."

A few people glanced over warily, and Slughorn chuckled from somewhere, jovially. On the desk behind them sat Lily's friend Val, partnered to Remus. They had been trying to focus in Potions for a week now, whilst chairs scraped and people giggled constantly in front of them. There seemed to be non-stop whispering and liquids being dropped on the floor and glass breaking… Remus sighed.

Snape was thankful that Potter and Black resided at the back of the dungeon, so were unaware of their very private dialogue.

"So I take it you would like all infringements of personal space to cease, then?" Snape asked, innocently.

"Yes. Because it is very, very bad." Scolded Lily.

Snape turned on his stool to face Lily. He leant forwards slightly, putting his hand lightly on her knee.

_What are you doing!?_

_It's obvious, isn't it?!_

_This is wrong!_

_Shut up!_

Snape ignored the niggling, pestering voice in his head.

_What is he doing?!_

_It's obvious, isn't it!?_

_Is this wrong?_

_Shut up!_

Lily failed miserably in trying to appear calm and collected; her eyebrows flew up into her hairline and her eyes drifted downwards to where Snape's hand resided.

Remus and Val were both cupping their heads in their hands as they neglected their bubbling cauldron and watched the pair, with latent disdain, curiosity and enjoyment.

Snape managed to engage Lily's eye contact and muttered; "Would it be _bad_ if I did this?"

_You don't even need a conscience anymore; you're a lost cause; I'm bloody leaving._

Lily nodded slowly; words having difficulty forming in her mouth. "Yes. Yes – it – it _would_ be bad-"

"-_Very bad_" She gulped quickly, as Snape's hand began to travel up her leg indolently, grazing the bare skin. A wicked grin was spreading across his face.

"_Very_ bad, or just bad?" He murmured.

Lily squirmed slightly, as her eyes followed Snape's wandering hand, as it now reached her thigh and gripped it firmly.

"_Very bad_." She breathed, almost inaudibly.

Snape swivelled on his chair instantaneously and continued collecting moonstone powder. "Oh, well, in that case; I suppose I had better stop being so very, very bad."

Lily was not able to fully move for another two minutes.

* * *

Their Draught of Peace won them the highest praises of Slughorn; if it were possible that they could rise in his esteem; they did.

"Now class – it would be wise that you all aspire to follow in the footsteps of Mr Snape and Miss Evans, here. The Draught of Peace will almost always be examined as part of your O.W.L, and it is one of the – ah – trickier potions on the syllabus."

Lily's quiet pride submerged her, and as she glanced at Snape she knew that he was the real talent in their partnership. She watched him admiringly and happily reflected that she couldn't have settled with a better partner. _Merlin, _how she loved Slughorn.

"Mr Snape, would you mind enlightening us as to the precise quantity of syrup of hellebore administered in this concoction?" Slughorn asked, his walrus-like moustache wiggling as he spoke.

"Three millilitres precisely – and it was on Lily's whim that we added half a millimetre of Re'em blood, which I think gives the scent that… Spice."

James Potter scoffed from the back of the classroom. Lily shot him a glare, whilst Slughorn ignored him completely.

"Why – what – what made you choose to do so, Miss Evans? Re'em blood is not on the ingredients list; nor can it function as a supplementary or substitute ingredient. I was not even aware that we stocked it…" His eyes drifted over to the store cupboards, then back to Lily and Snape; alight with curiosity.

"Well; I just wanted to sort of – experiment a little." Said Lily. "And I wouldn't dream of doing it in the O.W.L," she assured Slughorn, "but I got to thinking about what situations facilitate the need for the Draught… Excruciating shock or unbearable trauma usually, right? Well, the classic properties of the Draught are great for treating those – but it just calms anxiety and soothes agitation – and it doesn't last long. For example – say the drinker was experiencing loss. The Draught is perfect – but what of helping in the long term? The Re'em blood gives the drinker immense strength that does not fade away instantaneously. That strength is what people coping with loss lack, in the midst of bleakness, right? No potion can take away the pain of the drinker, so I thought that the Draught needed – needed an extra something – to prepare the drinker for whatever follows."

Snape could have married her, then and there.

"The Re'em…" Slughorn mused. "The strongest and most long living of unicorns…" His eyes glimmered. "It's ingenious. _Brilliant_."

With a wave of his wand, he bottled the Draught. But as he began to move towards his desk to place it with the other potions from the class, he paused, looked down at it, and shook it, smiling.

"And as a prize for brewing one of the most creative Peace Draughts I have encountered," Slughorn said dramatically, turning back to face the class on the spot, "I will allow you to keep what you have made – what you have, indeed, _discovered_!"

He strode forwards – or at least strode as much as his overbearing frame allowed – and set the bottle down on Snape and Lily's desk. Leaning forwards and chuckling slightly, he added "Better not tell Madam Pomfrey about this – I promise her all worthy medicinal potions for the school's useage."

* * *

After assuring Slughorn they would use it well, Snape and Lily left the dungeon feeling elated. Slughorn had kept them behind, and now they were running late for the next period – Lily had Divination, whilst Snape had Defence Against The Dark Arts.

"You keep it – you'll need it more than me. Maybe use it to quench some of those raging hormones?"

Lily gasped. "My hormones? _My_ hormones? _What_ hormones?"

Snape smirked. "Or you'll need it for – what was it you said earlier? 'Excruciating shock and unbearable trauma'?" He mocked. "You'll certainly need it for your upcoming Quidditch loss this Saturday. Playing Slytherin, I believe?"

"Let's not pretend you know anything about Quidditch, Sev." Lily said sardonically.

Slughorn then ambled out of the classroom, where he had quite happily been eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Ah yes, my dear, we'll be seeing you shortly on that Quidditch pitch again, will we? And playing my own house!" He clapped his hands together in glee.

"Yes, sir. It should be an interesting match." Lily said.

"Indeed, indeed! Ah, Miss Evans, such a treat you are! A masterful potions maker and knows how to ride a good broomstick! A girl after my own heart! Though," he added, looking at Snape mischievously, "I daresay our Lily has her sights set elsewhere!" He winked in Snape's general direction. Snape frowned, and grumbled out an unenthusiastic "Ha."

Slughorn finished laughing, then announced, as if to the empty corridor at large; "My wonderful little duo! Big things await the two of you! Keep up the good work!" And with that, he tumbled out of sight.

Snape and Lily were quiet for a moment.

"Would your son be named Horace Junior?"

"Shut up!"

"'A girl after my own heart!'" Snape boomed, his mimicry surprisingly spot on. "I must admit I didn't believe it wholeheartedly until now, but the man really does love you. It really is a match made in-"

_Heaven_, Snape's heart screamed, _this is heaven_. Lily was kissing him wildly, her hands holding his face.

She pulled away and covered his mouth with her hands.

"What do I have to _do_, to make you shut up?"

"That." Snape mumbled from behind her palms.

"Expect to be beaten on Saturday, _Slytherin scum_." Lily said jokingly, dancing away down the corridor.

"Ah, but what do I get if you lose? What do I win?" He called after her.

Lily shrugged, smiling the particular smile that drove Snape into the depths of lunacy.

"You don't know?" She was already walking away. "But I thought you knew everything! You're the one who _knows how to ride a good… Broomstick_."

"Ooh you little tease." Came the reply, echoing and reverberating back to him.

"I've known worse!" He called back. Then, lowering his voice; just talking to himself; "Trust me."

* * *

Saturday came and went, and Slytherin won the Quidditch match. Potter had been as entertaining to the crowds, or the "throngs of screaming fans" as he had once called them, as usual, and had scored an almost alarming amount. Snape had sat moodily in the stands, hearing roars of support for the Gryffindors and a sickening chant that a chorus of girls had made for Potter. Snape suspected it Lily's friend Jynea was behind it; for she had belted the chant startlingly proudly and obnoxiously.

'_Potter, Potter,_

_Beat the Slytherin rotters,_

'_Cos you are just the best,_

_So much better than the rest,_

_So come here unzip my dress,_

_You make my heart a mess! _

_(Oh yes!)'_

Snape had almost vomited when he had managed to decipher the lyrics. The entire crowd had largely fallen silent as the considerable band of girls had belted it like a war-cry, and over in the staff stands; Dumbledore chuckled, McGonagall's lips had pursed, and Slughorn actually joined in once he had caught onto the lyrics.

But, despite the best efforts of the Gryffindor team, and their cheerleaders, Lily had failed to catch the snitch before the Slytherin seeker, the third-year Regulus Black, had flown a lap of victory, a triumphant grin plastered to his face.

Snape hadn't been able to find Lily in time to tell her she had looked brilliant, and that Black had caught the snitch by fluke, because the Gryffindor team had immediately departed for their common room, for an emergency meeting, and several arguments, interspersed by the consumption of several bottles of firewhisky.

Lily trudged behind her team into the common room. None of them had spoken to her since Madam Hooch had blown the whistle, signalling the end of the match. It was going to be a long night.


	11. Something Just Broke

**LONG chapter. It had to be, really. Ending that was written too quickly. Sorry. Otherwise, I think it's an enjoyable chapter. Please R&R.**

**And I promise the fic will get more exciting from the next chapter. Promise promise promise. It's pretty bad at the moment. But oh boy, do I have plans.**

**AN: The issue has been raised about my characterization of Snape. Well, of course, his general demeanor and tone are 'lighter' here than in canon - because in canon we see the 38 year old double-spy, who has lived a full life of misery, suffered profusely, and become truly embittered etc. We see Alan Rickman, basically (there aint nothin' wrong with THAT... ;) ) but of course the 15 year old Snape, despite his awful upbringing, is going to be able to have a sense of humour. And is going to have adolescent concerns. And I like to think that is the innocence that Lily brings out in him - and that's part of what made Snape love her. That he was able to become removed from himself. Although, if you were asking me about my depiction of the teenage Snape - I would certainly not say 'confident'. He just gets surges of confidence on OCCASION. Just my take. :)**

* * *

"It has got to be minus ten degrees. This is absurd!" Snape wheezed. 

"I'll be done in a minute! Just – put your hands in your pockets and think of something warm."

It was almost as though Lily was doing it on purpose, sometimes.

"I refuse to stand here, watching you build this _monstrosity_, whilst hell freezes over."

"Come and help then!" Lily gestured for Snape to join her, so begrudgingly he trudged through the inches of pure white snow that had now formed around Hogwarts, giving it a sort of mystical glow. It was not unlike the endearing, rosy colour that had permanently attached itself to Lily's cheeks, giving her a constantly flushed look, this particularly cold December.

Lily handed Snape a large carrot.

He stared at it for a moment, twirling it in his hands, which by now _must have_ been frosting over, despite the somewhat ailing protection of two pairs of holey black woollen gloves.

"And _what, _exactly, is this supposed to be?"

"Take a guess."

"I wouldn't want to." Snape replied, smirking.

Lily rolled her eyes, mirthlessly. "It's his _nose_, idiot."

"Oh; because it does so closely resemble one." Said Snape, regarding the carrot dubiously.

Lily mimed the motion of attaching the carrot to the loosely shaped pile of snow before them.

"You want me to place this carrot underneath those grapes and thus endow our cold friend with a nose? And if I do," his eyes narrowed in suspicion, "we can go inside?"

"Yes." Lily sighed.

Snape smirked and took a bite from the end of the carrot.

"NO!" Lily shrieked, but Snape had already danced out of her reach. He held the carrot behind himself, then high above in the air, where his lean figure; which was slightly taller than Lily's, meant that her orange goal swayed inches from her fingertips. Snape took a large step backwards, almost losing his balance as his foot sunk deep into the snow, and shoved one end of the carrot into his mouth, holding it there.

Even with the task of managing the large carrot, his mouth succeeded in forming the irreplaceable and unforgettable Smirk of Triumph, which was so instantly and infuriatingly recognisable to Lily.

She leant forwards and bit on the carrot, unwilling to admit defeat. She raised her eyebrows in a mixture of defiance and suggestion, then sunk her teeth through the carrot and chewed slowly, annoyed.

Snape clucked disapprovingly. "You don't know where that carrot's been." He said mockingly.

* * *

They sat down inside at their separate house tables and tucked in to lunch. The food was becoming delightfully festive – it was a thousand times more colourful and tasty and exciting than anything Snape had ever eaten at home; that much was certain. Snape's eyes sought out Lily. She was laughing with her friends; the mudblood Mary among them.

It was not until five minutes later that Snape realised he had instinctively thought of Mary as a mudblood in his mind. He then recalled having said the word, merely in impassive description to Avery, Nott and Mulciber, _twice_ over the course of lunch.

Snape had also noticed, with a certain but definite smugness, and though he would never admit it aloud; relief, that James Potter was conspicuously absent. This was more pleasing now than ever, for he had recently been eerily visible or audible in any location where Lily was to be found. Snape didn't know why there had been a sudden increase of interest, or indeed how Potter and his moronic friends managed to dog Lily about the castle, almost as if they had some tracking device on her. Snape wouldn't have put it past them, but his disdain and cynicism believed they lacked the magic.

He watched her longingly.

_This is it!_

His excitement spread to the extent that the dampness from the outdoors was forgotten in a glorious haze of anticipation.

This was the last time, for two weeks, that Snape would have to see Lily from the other side of the Great Hall, of which Snape sometimes detested for its distancing Greatness. _For tomorrow_, he thought happily, _there will be no more Slytherin, no more Gryffindor, no more Potter and no more Black _– not even their Shared Cauldron would separate the two from tomorrow.

Students tended to return home for the Christmas holidays. For Snape, of course, it had never even been an option. Before his first year, Eileen Prince had let slip to Tobias Snape that returning home from school for Christmas was optional – subsequently, Tobias had taken Snape by the scruff of his shirt and let it become known that Snape was most certainly not to return to Spinner's End to spend his holidays, both for lack of money and lack of want. So, despite Snape's annual despair at having to wave off Lily as she left the glacial castle for the Hogwarts Express, he had no other choice.

For Lily, on the other hand, it had always been somewhat difficult: though her parents were always thrilled to see her, and had missed her, and had about a million questions regarding her school year and her progress; her estrangement from Petunia was becoming painful. Lily only felt alienation upon returning home, and the feeling was only intensified by the lack of Snape. So far, every year, she had spent the two weeks lazing about in her bedroom, in her garden, or in the forest where she and Snape had built a hideout when they were ten years old.

But this year, in the second week of December, when Professor McGonagall had asked for the names of those who were staying at Hogwarts over the Christmas break, Lily had hesitated.

What was she leaving _for_?

Admittedly, she missed her parents, but she failed to see the point in her return when all she did was worsen her relationship with Petunia. And, she always missed Sev. She wasn't sure if she could endure that annual sinking feeling she got as carriages, seemingly drawn by the air, slowly drove her away from Hogwarts, the only place where she had ever felt truly alive, and from Snape, who just smiled and waved. Year after year. Smiled and waved.

That smile hurt Lily more than she could ever say.

She didn't even want to think about how difficult goodbyes would be this year. Would Sev still smile and wave? Would he finally drop the act, and – like her, at least give their separation the dignity of not being turned into a maddening façade of complacency? Or, would he – and this was, perhaps, the thought that betrayed Lily most, hold her, and kiss her with the spiralling passion that he had done the first time her lips had met his?

_Is this a joke?_

_What?_

_Are you honestly thinking about your best friend, Sev, like that?_

Lily had already argued with herself for what seemed like an eternity on the subject of '_What is going on between Severus Snape and I?_" until she eventually had to concede and confide in Alice. Lily verbalised as much as could be verbalised (which wasn't much) to Alice; she told her that they had kissed twice and tried to explain that, whilst they still talked about friends-y stuff, something was definitely going wrong in their dynamics, because a student falling prey to her imagination and appearing hot and bothered in a Professor Binns' class was almost entirely unheard of at Hogwarts.

"You're friends, with benefits." Alice stated bluntly.

Lily held her pillow over her face in embarrassment.

"Benefits…?"

"Benefits." Alice clarified. "Kissing, cuddling, touching, fondl-"

"I get the point!" Lily snapped. Alice looked startled for a moment before the two collapsed into giggles.

"I just – I just don't know how it happened!" Lily exclaimed.

"He's a Slytherin. If you gave me Lucius Malfoy, on a plate, I'd-"

"_Is this relevant? _I do not condone this unhealthy obsession that you've been harbouring." Lily said, shaking her head gravely and sympathetically.

"_Yes_, it _is_ relevant. What I'm saying is – they have that sort of _allure_, don't they?" Alice was inevitably fantasizing about some sort of intensely blonde and amorous love scene by the time she had finished her sentence.

Lily raised her eyebrows, then remembered the look in Snape's eyes when he had straddled her by the tree. She recalled the feeling that had briefly overcome her – that Snape had induced – the desire to be his, underneath his weight; to be controlled by his slightest whim.

"Mhhmm." Lily mumbled.

A moment later a bang from the common room below shook them.

"_Look,"_ Alice had said, "_it's really up to you, Lils. Make it what you want. But you must realise that it's very difficult to salvage friendship after love's had its way."_

Lily had thought about Alice's words, then paused.

"_Alice… I don't know if I - love him."_

Alice had merely rolled her eyes, knowingly and clearly exasperated.

"_Love, lust… You show me the line between."_

Lily had wisely concluded that something she could not even define was not worth the best friendship she had ever had.

And over Christmas, in staying at Hogwarts, and having an expanse of time together, hopefully alone, she determined to ascertain Snape's opinion on the topic, and perhaps reach some closure regarding said topic.

Breaking it to Snape that she was intending to stay gave her an archetypal Patronus-making winner of a memory.

They had sat in the library, the eve before the Hogwarts Express departed for London, books strewn across a large square table, amidst a large collection of sweet wrappers, quills, ripped or crumpled parchment and a few collectable chocolate frog cards. Lily sat on her chair cross-legged, opposite a hunched Snape, whose hands were cradling his head in lament and desolation: he was losing their game of chess.

Snape's chess set was very old and battered – it had belonged to his great-grandfather; Horatio Prince – but for once, Snape's lack of wealth wasn't a drawback. Snape knew the chessmen well, and they obeyed him readily, even offering advice where it was due.

"I don't need your advice!"

"No, look, I've been in this situation a thousand times! Send the Knight, then I'll come from behind and-"

This particular Rook always liked to counter Snape at every order; but in the end always came through for him. They had a silent understanding.

"You fool! You fool! Now if she just moved her Bishop, she can take our-"

"ENOUGH!" Snape roared a little too loudly, considering the library; not battlefield, surrounding him. Madam Pince rounded on them in a split-second.

"No – _I've_ had enough. The two of you have been making almost consistent noise since 3.45!"

"Sorry – it won't happen again. Promise." Lily smiled sweetly.

Madam Pince muttered something inaudible then stomped off.

"You are a fool." The Rook hissed.

"_Rook to C3_." Snape said, full of triumph and malice.

The Rook was sent to his grave, as Lily's Queen leapt off her throne and repeatedly smashed his head with her large crown until he fell to the board, concussed.

"I think you take this a little seriously." Lily said.

"I will not take _insubordinance_." Snape declared, as though warning his few remaining pieces.

Even though he was presenting losing dismally, he loved it when Lily would play chess with him. His chess set was one of the few wizarding objects his mother had ordained him with, and he prided himself on it.

Eventually, however, Lily checkmated him.

"For the first – time – ever." Lily smugly asserted.

Snape grumbled. "Lovely leaving present Lily, thank you."

Lily could not stop an insanely wide grin spreading across her face.

"Actually-"

"You hoodwinked the chess set. I knew it!" Snape whispered.

"_No_! No! Listen…" She leant forwards slightly, over the table and the debris of their two hour library stint. "I'm not leaving."

Snape forbade himself to believe that she meant what he thought she meant. He forbade himself because the letdown would have killed him.

Lily looked at him expectantly; excitedly. Snape did not even dare to blink.

_Doesn't he care?_

"For Christmas. I'm not going." Lily gurgled quickly.

Snape, for a moment, wondered how the other people in the library – the people around them – the _world_ – could go on doing whatever it was that it did – could continue its pointless discussions and lectures and seminars and trivial meetings and appointments and court hearings and _who even ate these days, anyway_?

For if Lily had dared to touch him, in that moment, his inexpressible happiness would have surely surmounted his bodily limits, and he would have dissolved into a million different molecules.

"Oh – shut up and pass me one of those Fizzing Whizbees." He said. "I believe I am entitled to a rematch."

And they had played two more games of chess, of which Snape won both, and consumed copious amounts of chocolate and sweets. Every so often, The Bloody Baron would glide pass the pair, to see Snape levitate off his chair for a few seconds, before landing back down with a "pop", or see Lily momentarily breathe fire after chomping on a Pepper Imp. The Bloody Baron would then lament the poor state of affairs that was now Hogwarts and its lack of discipline. A disgruntled Madam Pince would have given up hours before, having been shouted away by a disgruntled Rook who was contemplating desertion amidst "ludicrous" orders.

* * *

Snape presently sat, watching Lily from the other side of the Hall, praying for Dumbledore to finally arise and wish the departing students farewell and happy holidays. They had attended the last class of term just hours before. Yesterday Lily had broken the news of her staying to Snape, and despite the short notice, which angered McGonagall, Lily's lie that she had misplaced her note saying she was amongst the remaining students was enough to placate her head of house.

More upset, were Lily's parents. Lily had owled them a mere day before the evening they were expecting to collect her from King's Cross.

Lily couldn't pretend that was the biggest concern on her mind, however, when a large, black and silver cat came floating through the air and stopped, levitating high above the Gryffindor table.

It's howling and cries were only outdone by a scream of "WILMA!" from an almost sobbing Valerie, two seats down from Lily.

"My cat! What is happening to my cat?!"

The room fell silent as the cat continued to panic; it's paws flying in every direction as it struggled to remain upright in the air.

Then, in what was both bizarre and brilliant, it opened its jaw and (Snape could hardly believe it) – sung.

An offensive and extremely loud duet of James Brown and James Potter serenaded the Great Hall.

'_I FEEL GOOD!_

_(Ban-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!)'_

– The backing vocals were unmistakably the surprisingly tuneful Sirius Black.

'_I knew that I would!_

_(Ban-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!)_

_I FEEEEL GOOD!_

_(Ban-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!)_

_I knew that I would!_

_(Ban-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!)_

_SO GOOD!_

_(DUN-DUN)_

_SO GOOOOD!_

_(DUN!)_

_I GOT YOUUUUU!_

_(LILY EVANS! THIS ONE'S FOR YOU!)'_

- She froze. Mouths dropped. Eyes widened. Lips pursed. A few chuckled. (Slughorn.)

Valerie slid out of her chair at the sight of her cat singing in the air.

"Wilma's got SOUL!" Alice roared, as people began to laugh and sing along with Potter's diabolical version – corruption – of '_I Got You_'. Lily had no idea how Potter had even managed to discover Muggle music; albeit marvellous Muggle music.

'_I feel nice!_

_(Ban-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!)_

_Like sugar and spice!_

_(Ban-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!)_

_I FEEEEEL-'_

But then the song dissolved into the yelping and howling of Wilma again, as she slowly descended into Valerie's arms.

At the end of the Hall sat Dumbledore, who, despite having put an end to the festivities rather abruptly, was smiling.

He flicked his wand and the doors to the Great Hall opened fully; and there, armed with their wands and their grins, were Sirius Black and James Potter.

They strutted in.

Professor McGonagall looked as though she was ready to shoot off her chair and wring their necks. Her face was flushed.

"Whilst it may not be Hogwarts protocol – and I'm sure the Sorting Hat may have one or two scruples concerning the theft of its domain of public singing-" Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling from behind his half-moon spectacles, "I will forever be of the opinion that a good sing-song is quite the mood heightener."

McGonagall flashed a shade of puce.

"However, I'm not sure our feline friend here-"

"Wilma." Jynea announced. She then gasped and her hands flew to her mouth.

"What a delightful name," Dumbledore mused, "I'm not sure Wilma - felt the same, so I should like to discourage future displays of affection through the possessing of furry little creatures."

Professor Flitwick coughed.

"Or scaled creatures. Or indeed hairless creatures. We should, of course, not discriminate when it comes to creatures."

"Sorry, sir!" Came the echoing voice of Potter. "It's just love – y'know?" He seemed to survey the entire Gryffindor table; and its entire collection of girls, before catching Lily's eye and winking.

Several sighs could be heard.

Professor McGonagall now seemed to have engaged Dumbledore's attention – and she looked highly disgruntled.

Lily closed her eyes, as though to block out the pain, whilst James and Sirius strode up to her and squeezed in either side of her.

Snape, from somewhere far, far away, silently wished for the imminent deaths of James Potter and his little accomplice – and – to add to their list of crimes, Snape noted that Potter was an extremely poor singer (which was unsurprising, as so far as Snape could tell, Potter's reason for existence on Earth was to destroy Snape's ear drums) and that Black was an extremely good singer; adding to his swooning Romeo persona that the entire school seemed to be in love with.

Lily knew it would be no use to beg for them to leave her in peace. She reminded herself every seven seconds that in under an hour she would be rid of these two boys for two blissful weeks.

"Told you I could be charming, Evans." James purred into her ear.

"And this is just the beginning of our tirade of chivalry." Sirius said, as if to the table at large. Jynea swooned at him and he blew her a kiss, accordingly.

"He's right. This is just the first task of a very, very long list…" James winked. "And it's all for you."

Alarm hit Lily. The previous month, after their first Quidditch loss, Potter had threatened to go to any lengths to woo Lily. Remus had then proposed that he try and be romantic – then perhaps – perhaps – he would have a chance in hell. Potter had visibly taken this onboard, and knelt before Lily, pronouncing that he would aspire to win her affections somehow. Sirius had suggested twenty tasks to show his devotion. Lily had groaned in expectant agony, and Potter had accepted the 'quest'.

"I tremble with excitement." Lily deadpanned.

"You will by the time I'm through." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

* * *

Less than an hour later, Snape found himself standing at his usual spot, doing the annual send-off.

This time, Lily was with him. They were waving goodbye to Potter and his gang, who had just mounted a carriage to be led to the Hogwarts Express. Potter had seen them, and his expression had changed from dumbfounded to anger to apparent depression.

They found themselves trudging painfully through inches of snow, uphill, back to the courtyard of the castle. It was late, the air was crisp and there were the hints of snowfall, making the scene quite picturesque.

In a frozen, agonizing, disastrous sort of way.

"I – am – so – cold!" Snape spoke in a deadly hush.

"I'm taking you to see Madam Pomfrey – don't get too excited! – because you clearly have something wrong with your blood circulation and body temperature. I have never known someone to complain as much as you!" Lily replied, laughing.

Snape shivered in response. He didn't mind her teasing. In fact – the prospect of it for the next two weeks made an insatiable excitement grow.

It did nothing to warm him up, though. He was still nearly dead from frostbite.

"So – Potter's romanticism – I suppose you're loving it, are you?" Snape's chattering teeth disguised any feeling in his tone.

Lily looked at him sceptically. "Don't be stupid. That toerag? He'd sooner romance you than me."

"That – is – highly – unlikely-" Snape sneezed loudly.

Lily almost cooed at how – cute- he looked, in his billowing robes and thick green and silver scarf tucked into his black jumper –

_Allure? Severus Snape was Allure's antithesis._

They were slowly but surely nearing the castle, for which Lily was thankful, because evidently Snape's lungs couldn't take anything colder than tropical temperatures.

"I can be chivalrous too, you know."

Lily smiled sympathetically.

"Are you sure that's not the hypothermia talking?"

"I can be romantic."

"You really _do_ need to see Madam Pomfrey." Lily said, worriedly.

Snape had an extremely rare look of – Lily couldn't read it completely, and could only describe it as – boisterousness – on his face. It was entirely foreign, coming from him, and it didn't suit him either.

Snape knew what would happen: Lily would say that Potter was pathetic – that Potter was this, Potter was that – and then he'd eventually do something to prove himself that would be so – so charming – so gallant – that Lily would have to stop repressing the girl inside herself, of which her Gryffindor friends were of course so liberated, and she would be swept off her feet.

He would not let it happen.

They had now reached the empty courtyard.

Snape grabbed Lily's hand and spun her around, to face him.

And Lily instantly knew that this was where friendship ended, and something else entirely began.

"I can make sweeping gestures, after all…" He put on a lower, smoother voice. "It is difficult to lay aside a confirmed passion." He said, bringing her hand to his lips and looking up at her.

But Lily had already snatched her hand back and began running inside the castle. Snape's dejection kept him stuck to the spot.

He then began to panic. Why had she run away? What had he done wrong?

He had thought that that was a nice quote. It wasn't Shakespeare, but Shakespeare quotes were supposedly overrated, – _weren't they_?

_Stupid idiot. Now look what you've done. You've freaked her out._

Lily's resolve strengthened that night, as she lay in her empty dormitory and she thought about Alice's advice. That it was up to her – whether her friendship with Sev was ruined or not. And Lily decided that it wasn't worth chancing it.

Snape leant under his bed, and opened a small cardboard box which contained a few items that forever would be close to his heart. Inside were his recent letters of correspondence with Lily. He fished around for a moment, before bringing out an old postcard he had found at Spinner's End, on the back of which he had scrawled a few choice quotes that he had either heard in passing or seen on the television.

_'True love never did run smooth' – William Shakespeare._

Snape considered this. Perhaps Shakespeare wasn't as overrated as he had thought.


	12. Every Day a Little Death

**Hey all. I've decided I want to write more Sev/Lily's seventh year - so this chapter covers their sixth - and is obviously a huge jump ahead from where we last left off (xmas year 5!). Maybe one day I'll go back to that year. But for now, Lie To Me will become a dramatic seventh year story. This chapter isn't great. But things will improve!**

* * *

Snape's sixth year of Hogwarts was the most uneventful of his life.

The Summer had drizzled by for both Snape and Lily. They had not spoken for months, ever since 'that word'. Snape had the slight suspicion that he was finding their separation harder than Lily.

For every time he mustered up the courage to look at her; she seemed happy. She would be smiling with friends, glistening with quiet pride as Slughorn yet again crowned her potion concoctions brilliant. But for two things, Snape noted, she remained unchanged.

Firstly, Lily was now sixteen. She had grown slightly taller (though still looked miniature in comparison to Snape, who was experiencing a spurt of sorts) and was sporting a longer hairstyle. Snape had loved Lily's hair just the way it was – its length and texture when she was but ten, and its curls and colour when she was fifteen – the way it had felt on those rare occasions that the pair had embraced and he had been so audacious as to roam his hands through it. But he had to concede that even in its changed state, it was just as beautiful. Lily looked that much older, that much more a woman, that much more desirable. Only this year, Snape had no opportunities to quench any such desire – he couldn't even get near Lily, let alone touch her. He could count the amount of times they had made eye contact since coming back to Hogwarts on one hand.

One difference was even more pronounced. Lily was spending increasing amounts of time with Potter, Black and his gang. In many ways, that came as the final blow to the heart for Snape.

Eventually, it had happened. The second Snape had been out of the picture, Potter had seemed to move in on Lily like some great predator. Snape recalled bitterly predicting to Lily last year that one day, Potter would be so romantic and chivalrous that Lily would be won over.

It was now Valentines Day. A week ago, Snape had overheard some of Lily's friends in Transfiguration.

She was dating Potter.

And today they would enter the Great Hall – the place that had born so much of Snape's frustration and pain – as a couple.

Snape, unsurprisingly, did not have a date.

"It doesn't really seem worth it much, now that Bellatrix has gone." Mulciber sulked, from the other side of Snape's dorm.

"Maybe you should set your sights on someone in our year then, mate." Avery scoffed at his downcast friend.

Snape was in a daze. He could barely hear his friends' conversation. What would tonight be like? Would there be dancing? Would he have to watch Potter physically touch Lily?

_Well, that is what dancing tends to entail._

_Shut up._

He supposed he could just stay put in his room, or walk around the grounds a bit. Or work on his Sectumsempra spell – which still needed some perfecting in order to be shown to the death eaters.

But then how would he protect her, if Potter tried anything funny?

His fist tightened on his bedpost.

_She doesn't want your protection anymore._

Lily looked towards the evening with equal trepidation.

"You look lovely." Val cooed, surveying Lily, who was standing awkwardly before their full-length mirror. Decorating its frame were several moving photographs – one of Lucius Malfoy scowling in the Great Hall, as a tribute to "true beauty", upon which Alice insisted, despite his having left Hogwarts at the end of last year. Every time any of the girls would subtly remove it, Alice would let loose her frog, Jefro, until eventually the girl hoarding the photo would wake up in the night to Jefro hopping through her bed covers, and would concede that Lucius could stay. Another photo proudly displayed Jynea kissing Sirius' cheek; the two of them grinning proudly at whoever had the misfortune of doing their hair or putting on some makeup, anytime and all-the-time.

Lily supposed she should have a photo taken of James and her, though imagined that it would just get annoying to see his face first thing in the morning and last thing at night. There was only so much one could take of James Potter a day.

He was, however, a lot more tolerable than he had been, well, the last five years. Lily didn't know what had induced the change – he was still cheeky, and a flirt, but his manner had become more gentle and he had matured somewhat – she could now say without shame that she really liked James. It wasn't great love, but Lily had to admit that after getting on well for a few months, when James had asked her to be his girlfriend, she was excited and flattered. There had only been a moment of hesitation.

"Thanks." Lily replied, sounding more deflated than she had meant.

"What's wrong?" Alice piped up from her bed.

Lily shrugged and smiled slightly. "I don't know. Nothing."

"At least you have a date." Mary said, shooting Jynea a glare when a loud scoff filled the room.

Lily smiled faintly, and caught Alice's eye.

It was almost nine. When Gryffindors were just starting to vacate the common room for the main hall, Alice seized Lily's arm and started marching them out of ear shot.

"Enough with the looks. Tell me what's wrong now or I'll hex you. This is your first official date."

"Are you going with Frank?"

"Yeah. He asked and I finally said yes. He has a thick mane of brown hair. It's not the stuff of fantasies – as you well know," she paused, "Stop changing the subject!"

Lily lowered her voice. "Alice – what were you doing this time last year?"

"Spying on Lucius whilst Peter Pettigrew attempted to waltz with me. Why?"

"Because – oh God! You know I like James. I do. I really do. But this is all so sudden!" Lily struggled to find the words.

"He's not proposed marriage, Lils. I don't get why you're so apprehensive. A bit of dancing, a few kisses... It's not life-shattering." Alice watched Lily for a response.

They were now nearing the Great Hall. Students were flocking inside, dress robes billowing, girls giggling as boys plucked up the courage to take their dates in arm to enter the candle-lit and extra romantic Hall, where already the live band _The Pumpkin's Maze _was belting out a slow ballad.

Lily sighed. "You know what I was doing this time last year? Complaining bitterly what a sad excuse for a holiday Valentines was, with a butterbeer in hand, at the Owlery, with Severus."

With _Severus_. It sounded odd to use his full name. It sounded odd just talking about him. Lily had blocked him out of mind over the Summer, and had barely even seen him the five months they'd been back at school. His name, rolling off her tongue, seemed to fill the air and make her stomach sink. Where was he? Did he have a date? The thought seemed perverse to Lily – she couldn't imagine him with a girl – and yet, until this year she couldn't have ever imagined herself with any other boy, let alone Potter.

They passed a group of Slytherins and Lily felt herself panic as she scanned the students for any sign of Snape's greasy, black hair. For a moment she found it difficult to even recall his appearance; it had been so long.

Alice squeezed Lily's arm. Hushed, she asked "Are you still not over him?"

"Don't be stupid. Of course I am. _I am_." Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Regulus Black, laughing with Mulciber, Avery and Nott. "I'm just some mudblood, remember?"

Snape reeled at the sound of the word – he had been sure it was Lily's voice – but as he turned he could not see her amidst the crowds. His eyes roved amongst the people – all the happy people – but he couldn't see her anywhere. He felt self-conscious, clammy, and uncomfortable.

_Why are you here?_

But then, the same second, as if a deliberate answer to his question, there she was. Climbing the steps outside the Great Hall to meet Potter, who was descending them in crisp red dress robes under which was a black, flashy shirt.

Snape was too far away to hear anything they said as they greeted each other, but nothing could dull the feeling that flared up as he saw Potter lean forwards, too close to her, much too close, his eyes roving over her – not for one moment looking into her emeralds, before his hand moved to hold her lower back towards him as she planted a kiss on his cheek.

It was already enough, and the evening had just begun. He felt sick. Turning around, he was aware of doubling up slightly before gaining some composure and moving quickly away from the scene and into the Hall.

Alice had seen Snape and immediately had felt great pity. She could only guess how Snape felt, but she knew the toll that his estrangement with Lily had taken on her best friend. As she watched him enter the Great Hall, she briefly entertained the idea of setting the two of them up to meet somewhere, so they could figure out their differences, hopefully become friends again, and Alice could enjoy a quiet life once more. She was distracted, however, by the bristles of Frank Longbottom's beard tickling her neck.

"You look amazing." He murmered, kissing her neck. Alice rolled her eyes and shrugged annoyed at Professor McGonagall, who was watching the pair with some disapproval.

"Frank? Could you perhaps refrain from displaying your affection in front of the entire staff of Hogwarts?" Alice said, as she grabbed him by the hair and marched them inside.

Lily was having similar problems detangling herself from James.

"Oh, come on Evans, give me a little kiss!" James laughed as he put his arm around Lily and started walking them into the Great Hall. Lily shrugged off his arm, and James immediately stopped walking.

"Are you not coming?" Lily asked, without turning around.

"Are you not going to wait for me?" James replied quickly, slightly affronted.

Lily sighed and stopped, waiting for James. He strode up to her and placed his arm back around her waist.

"Right. This isn't what's going to be happening tonight." Lily said, annoyed, dancing out of his reach.

"What? Putting my arm around you?" James looked puzzled. He then grinned. "I know you're frigid, but-"

Lily's expression immediately changed to that of shock and anger.

James stepped forward. "Right. OK. I'm sorry. That was rude." He took Lily's hand. "There. A compromise." He smiled at her, and looked strangely nervous and tentative. It was oddly becoming on his usually confident face. Lily smiled back and they entered the Hall hand-in-hand.

* * *

Snape was on his eigth firewhisky. He hadn't eaten all day, so he felt the alcohol in his bloodstream much faster. His eyesight was slightly blurred, he wasn't thinking straight, but at the very least his senses were dulled and he felt something near contentment. He was idly enjoying the fast song the band were playing, tapping his foot every other beat as a cacophony of sound filled his ears. He was still tapping along a minute into the next slow song before he realised that the beat had disappeared and he looked up, indignantly, to find out where it had gone.

A haze of colour and shapes dazzled his eyes which he had to narrow slightly to accommodate all that he saw. Students were slow-dancing in pairs, whilst others, obviously too embarrassed to dance so romantically, were moving off the floor to watch the couples who remained.

Snape heard a dull thump as a figure dropped into the chair next to him. He expected to see Nott or Avery, and had to blink a few times before he realised it was actually Regulus Black. Regulus patted a hand on Snape's back, making Snape fall forwards slightly, and muttered an incoherent greeting.

Snape distantly smiled, clutching at his bottle, his lifeline, as he continued to stare into the mesh of dancers.

"Look at him." Regulus sneered, pointing. "What an idiot. Dancing with that Gryffindor whore. Though, I suppose it's to be expected."

Anger surged throughout Snape. How dare he talk about Lily this way? He was about to smack Regulus over the head with his bottle, before he saw that Black was actually pointing at his elder brother, who was pressed up against Lily's friend Jynea, moving across the floor completely absorbed in his partner.

Snape let out a soft noise of equal disgust and derision, before his worst nightmare materialised.

Near enough to Sirius, unsurprisingly, was Potter, holding Lily close to him.

Snape staggered out of his seat and moved forwards a few steps, all too obviously intoxicated, catching the stares of a few people nearby. He had the misfortune of having been sat close enough to the head table, that Dumbledore too glanced up from behind his spectacles to watch Snape move, entirely uncoordinated and laboriously towards Potter and Lily.

His journey, however, was stopped short, when the pair, both smiling, kissed – only lightly – only romantically – but it was enough to freeze Snape to the spot.

He was then only aware of the desperate need to return to the safety of the Slytherin common room. He had to get out of there. He had to look away. He couldn't.

The world seemed to crash around him that little bit more at what followed.

Lily couldn't help but smile as James' lips met hers under the soft moonlight of the Great Hall, and she laughed lightly, despite herself, causing James to look at her, incredulous, in mock offence. She was about to explain herself, but was stopped dead in her tracks as a pair of black eyes pierced her from the other side of the room. He was there. He had seen everything. Lily felt violated, in a way – as if she had been spied on, whilst an inexplicable shame spread through her. Her laughing face froze as she looked directly at Snape, and she was not at all conscious of Sirius and James' banter as they photographed her in what they did not know what her complete devastation.

A couple danced between Snape and Lily, breaking the impasse, so Snape took the opportunity to stumble off, not wishing to see her any longer. Kissing Potter. The complete and perfect betrayal.

* * *

Snape lay alone, on his bed, staring at the ceiling, for the rest of the evening. He noticed a spider crawling across his bed, and immediately felt an overwhelming need to do some harm; to destruct. He pointed his wand at the spider – his arm shaking, still feeling the effects of the alcohol, and muttered what he perceived to be the only cure for the pain he felt.

"_Avada Kedavra_."

Green light illuminated Snape, his wand, and the spider, before it dropped dead.

Snape smiled dully and flicked the spider off his bed. His head hit the pillow with a resounding thump. He wasn't aware of sleeping, but must have, for when he was awoken later, hours had passed, and not a single thought had permeated his mind.

An enchanted piece of parchment was repeatedly ramming into Snape's forehead for minutes before he, without opening his eyes, snatched it and dourly unfolded it to see three words that would forever be burned into his consciousness.

_I miss you._

* * *

In a way, Lily had written the note without the full realisation of what she was saying. Immediately after sending it, she regretted it, and the idea of a reply was both frightening and certain – Snape had always replied within seconds when they had had their late night conversations last year.

Lily waited up all night, and no response came. Twice she marched outside the Slytherin common room – but retreated after the argumentative Phineas Nigellus portrait threatened to wake up the entire common room and tell Snape that Lily was outside for her. Whenever she was confronted with the prospect of having to actually face Snape, she recoiled and simply retreated into the memory of why their silence had begun in the first place. He couldn't admit their friendship publicly because of his new pureblood views. He prized them above her. He prized vicious idiots like Mulciber above her. He obviously didn't care about Lily as much as Lily had thought.

He didn't care enough to reply to her note.

So Lily resigned herself to considering her "I miss you" as a moment of weakness. She had James. She had friends. She didn't need Snape.

A scrawled, untidy, blotched reply came two days later. Two days too late.

_I miss you too. Meet me?_

Lily scrunched up the parchment and hurled it into the bin.

The notes were the extent of their communication all year. Snape took Lily's fresh rejection as an excuse to throw himself into the brotherhood of the death eaters. He had been honest and opened up. He had told her he missed her. It was only a fraction of what he felt that he could convey through words. He had relinquished control over himself, only to be rebuffed. Snape promised himself it would be the last time.


	13. I Wish I Could Forget You

**This is the summer of year 6. So after this will commence the story of year 7. This is written in Snape's POV, and is generally written in a different style to the rest of Lie To Me, but for good reason - it's a lot more meaningful and rewarding once you've read the whole thing. I wrote it separately, but now it fits in perfectly to continue my version of S&L's school years. Enjoy.**

* * *

A day before my seventh year of Hogwarts began, on my birthday, my life entered a state of freefall. I found that my old life threatened to revoke my new way of life, and realised, with an alarming latency, that I was on the verge of hurting the only person I can say with full confidence that I have ever cared about, and that she had the power to destroy me.

I believe that people are inherently bad. I believe that each individual makes a conscious choice to be good. I believe that the natural human instinct is to commit certain deeds for one's own ends. This is not selfish. This is life.

'Good' people are those who have forced all evils and desires into their subconscious, and they must always live with certain delusions. I would say that Dumbledore is one of these people.

The subconscious is an extraordinary thing. A spoken word, just over a year ago, had been the key to liberating mine. For I had endeavoured to be one of these high and mighty good people for as long as I could remember, and suppressed knowledge of the world that I could not help but notice. Prosperity could come by unarguably 'bad' means. The Dark Lord was proving this. The death eaters were on the rise, and they were gaining power. I had no power over anything in my life. When the most important thing to a person is another – when you depend on someone else – lack of control can be enough to destruct any relationship. I had lashed out at my own weak helplessness – for I was living for the most innocent smile, the most unconscious caress of a person entirely independent of me – and in the wake of ultimately losing the essence of my life, I pursued what I had lacked before.

Because it was, of course, Lily Evans, who inadvertently allowed me to become a death eater. I was not forced into it. When Lily Evans cut me out of her life, she subsequently cut herself out of mine with a blade that would be forever stained with our mingled bloods – a blade that would forever haunt my soul when I had the appearance of peace with closed eyes. Her blood shined brightly against the steel – mine looked like tar. However, without her constant expectation, bearing down like a weight between my shoulders and an inexplicable power forcing my hand, I became liberated. I was not happy – but I was free.

I could now solicit things I had longed for – things which I had for years buried into the depths of my subconscious for fear of losing her. I was a man of seventeen who had been brought into being when he had cried out, sick with pain, nauseated with pleasure, as his forearm burnt black against the meek pallor of skin.

I had finally gained the title of death eater, and I had never felt more alive.

I returned home that night to Spinner's End looking like some gorged insect. I felt a warm satisfaction spread – and to my shock, it was a feeling I had parted with during my last moments of happiness with Lily.

But Lily had forced me to compartmentalize. When I was with her, I could never bare to acknowledge the rest of my sad reality – my loneliness, my solitude, my shelled human of a mother, my monster of a father, Potter. For if such evils had trespassed into the small and separate realm of equal contentment and vulnerability that my mind had occupied when with Lily – I would have dissolved into millions of molecules. I would have crumbled. I would have broken. The fact – the reality – that such beauty, and such purity, could exist in a world so tainted – was something I could not confront.

It had its benefits. It meant that I could be a normal person with Lily. Just a boy with a girl. Though, of course, she was no mere girl to me.

It also meant that in her absence the areas of my life that had become distant, as though bleached in the company of her dazzling red, swooped down on me like some ominous and unrelenting bird of prey. And I ached.

If I still hurt now, it was more of a small localised area of skin on my neck where her lips had once grazed me. It tingled on occasion; a reminder of a past life that would probably never let me alone, like the image I kept of the blade.

Otherwise, my freedom had almost made me a changed man. I was still generally solemn and from time-to-time inexplicably aloof. But I was finding, to my delight, that there were other things in this world that could make my senses afire and spasm in ecstasy. I had, last month, practised my _Sectumsempra_ spell on a wizard the Dark Lord was questioning in his attempts to track an Auror. Outside boyish efforts to hex Potter and Black, I had never seriously tried to harm another human being before.

In the dining room of Lucius' new manor a select group of death eaters had been summoned. I did not yet have the Mark, so Rodolphus Lestrange had apparated directly to me, told me I was invited, and brought me along with him. You can imagine my shock; I was not yet seventeen, and yet seemingly an inclusion in the close circle that enveloped the Dark Lord. I felt flattered.

There I had witnessed a most brutal interrogation. I was more than certain that this man – _Triggory Ket_ I believe was his name – knew absolutely nothing. I could not imagine why he would want to suffer to such an extent when he had information to give. It occurred to me, as I glanced around at the few faces that were not hooded, that I was in the presence of inherently bad human beings. Some were smiling, one was laughing, a few looked completely impassive and none were screaming in protest or horror. I knew Lily would have. My own face was blank – I did not care to see this man in agony – but I felt my eyes grow wide with awe – and I knew I had not the desire in me to look away. Perhaps this was the point where I crossed over the threshold to become an antithesis of the goodness which I knew her shimmering eyes exuded.

I heard my name be called out – or rather, whispered, and to my – and I cannot profess this enough – reeling shock, I traced the sound back to the thin lips of – of Him.

"_Severus_,"

I had never had to address Him personally before. I had never been in the position to. I hardly knew whether to smile or to curtsey.

"Yes, my – my Lord?"

It had almost taken me too long to reply.

I saw Lucius next to the Dark Lord and recognised in his expression a triumphant sort of smugness.

"You are a most valuable ally to us, Severus, and a real talent if what I am told is accurate." These words, coming from the Dark Lord, were like music to my ears.

Lucius inclined his head in agreement.

"I wonder… What will you make of our dear Triggory?"

For a second I almost laughed out loud. I was a sixteen year old schoolboy. True, I had gained quite a reputation in my fifth and sixth years at Hogwarts, under the near tutelage of Lucius, as a formidable and considerable talent. But this man had been struck with the _Cruciatus_ curse by two of the Dark Lord's favourites – Nott, and Bellatrix Lestrange, who it seemed had a sadistic penchant for the spell. What was I expected to do?

His red, serpent like eyes searched mine. I think he was looking for a sign of fear. Curiously, I felt none.

Apprehension, I think, is very divorced from fear. Of course I was apprehensive. This was a clear test. And like the many exams I sat at school, I would take to this with the aim of complete fulfilment of my ability.

I stepped towards Triggory. He was collapsed against an antique and elaborate wooden chair – I was sure that Lucius would later complain to Narcissa that their new home was not ideal for such brutality when they had gone to such lengths to get the most decadent furniture around.

His tongue was lolling out of his mouth. His eyes were rolling in their sockets, and his hair was plastered to his face with mingled sweat, blood and tears.

If he hadn't already lost the ability to speak by now, I was sure that he would not be able to coherently communicate anything. Not that he knew anything. I doubted that he would even be able to scream. This seemed futile to me, but, on the other hand, the damage I would do would not mentally destroy him anything more than what had already been suffered. The Dark Lord would surely not let him leave this place breathing, so scarring did not strike me as particularly awful damage.

I stole a glance at him. I was not sure he even knew what was going on by now. But I was sure he could feel pain. His raspy breath had the faintest hints of suppressed screaming and whining.

What became more apparent to me was that I did not care.

"_Sectumsempra_,"

I believe I heard his jaw crack as it flew open in some expression of the pain he must have felt, but no sound left him. His body spasmed whilst fountains of blood spurted out from his every crevice as deep gashes tore their way through his skin. Blood splattered against the Malfoys' deep magenta curtains and as two streams crossed midair above Triggory, they caught the soft candlelight, and I considered that I was creating art.

A fountain spat in my direction and coloured my shoes. Another flew right by me – several death eaters jumping out of the way, as not to tarnish their expensive black robes.

_As if they were not tainted already by atrocities witnessed_, I thought humorously.

I raised my free hand to my face and realised that I was smeared with blood. I lazily dropped my wand arm and wiped my face with my sleeve.

I saw Triggory slump down once more, and for one startled second guessed that I had killed him. But his body began trembling violently in the wake of the onslaught.

To my annoyance, I thought of Lily. The redness which had taken over the room and now become my vision reminded me of her. She would have hated me. She already hated me. A bridge suddenly materialised between my new world of red – of evils – and the old one which smelt of rain and cinnamon. My neck began to tingle. I searched within myself for some reason for Lily not to despise me – for some part of me that tore away at the person I had become, that screamed in pain and hurt and had been imprisoned. I searched for some empathy for the man I had just robbed of his rights. But I found none.

This made my lips curl into a smile. I smiled because I had finally become my own ruler. I controlled myself. I was dependent of no-one else but me. I had that elusive thing – power – finally. The Dark Lord, I think, took this as some sort of emblem of my devotion, which I suppose it was, as long as supporting him allowed me control.

_I had control over Triggory_. That much was sure. And so I cursed him again, and this time I did not feel impartial and passionless. This time an insatiable feeling spread up my wand arm and through the rest of me like electricity.

It felt, for lack of a better description, good. I knew what I was doing was 'bad'. I knew who I was being was bad. Being bad, it seemed, makes one feel good. Whilst, in my experience, being good, or at least the attempts to be, makes one feel bad. It is, of course, the immortal paradox – and I wondered idly whether Dumbledore's goodness brought him the pleasure that was coursing through my veins now.

The praise for my progress was, that night, more than I had ever received from any teacher, and certainly more than any kind word either of my parents had spoken to me. Lucius had been even more impressed than most, and only fleetingly grumbled about what a nuisance it would be ordering new curtains fom the dining room, because they were from some far-flung part of Cairo.

It marked a turning point in my life. Funny that the demise of one man can mark the ascent of another – not only was I heightened in the esteem of my comrades, and the Dark Lord himself, but I had felt a buzz, and a desperate need for fulfilment, that acted in bringing me into a new way of being. Lily, of course, had always taken life by the reigns. She had not been as I was – scared, tentative, fractured – barely living. She therefore could, of course, never understand this.

The singeing tremor returned to me when my forearmed burned for the first time with the Dark Mark. It had been excruciatingly painful. My chest rose and fell into the wilderness. The experience provoked the primitive to leap, delighted, from formerly civilised skin.

It was already midnight by the time I arrived back at Spinner's End, by side-along apparition with Lucius. He told me he had recommended the induction of me formally into the death eaters because he knew I could 'handle it'. Lucius always had loved getting involved and taking the reigns of my own life. Even now – he no longer even attended Hogwarts – he still managed to make sure the right people befriended me.

After he disapparated, I decided that my poverty striken home – if it could be called that, for it was more of a hovel – was not a place to harbour all that was threatening to make my heart burst with emotion – triumph, obscenity, satisfaction.

I stalked the streets for about an hour. My shoes looked as though they had been painted. They had not been washed since Triggory, which was a month ago. Another man's essence I now carried with me. The red flashed dangerously under the odd working streetlamp.

Red, once again, became my folly, and brought me back to her. My neck twinged accordingly.

I swore under my breath and I immediately stopped walking.

After I called Lily – that word – I had tried to regain her trust, to regain her friendship, for weeks upon weeks. I had hoped that when we came home from Hogwarts, she would have to take me back. We had become accustomed to spending all our idle days together; lazing; playing; talking; being. Or at least I had. Evidently her habits could be altered when alteration finds. It was not how Shakespeare had intended.

_And once again_, I thought, annoyed, _I have managed to link Lily to love_.

This should not be happening. After my initial period of grievance, wherein I had begged for the courage to bring on myself the only certainty of life; death; I had started living a new life, free of my subconscious which I had been suppressing. This meant that I managed to accepted that, in our fifth year of school together, I had begun to yearn desperately for more than Lily's friendship. I had specifically sought for more. And I had received it – for a brief period before the word, Lily and I had entered a state of un-classification – and we had found it impossible not to be intimate with each other. We had kissed. More than once.

But at the time I was confused by feelings I could not analyse, because I believed them to be unnatural and unkind. I felt like I was doing no better by Lily than the hormonal and adolescent Potter. I had, of course, had an iron clasp enveloping my heart that was forcing it to swell, and threaten to burst, with desire. Lily was beautiful. I could see that now.

And, for a while, during the start of our sixth year, this had been the thought that I had fallen asleep to every night, and woken up to every morning; damp with the sweat of unquenchable longing.

But then I was made to realise that Lily did not want me in her life. Anywhere near her. I had asked her once to meet me; told her I missed her. The extent of our communication. I had recieved no reply. As if my very presence insulted her. And so I had thrown myself into the depths of my Slytherin, and increasing death eater, association.

I knew now that I had harboured impure thoughts where Lily was concerned. I had desired her. This was repressed into my subconscious as best I could so that it would not destroy the friendship we had. But, inevitably, that friendship was destroyed anyway. However, when I continued to smell her – feel her – remember her – I realised that perhaps it had been love, between Lily and I.

Perhaps I would never be able to become master of that. Master of the ache. I certainly knew the difference between mere attraction and love. For women were the constant benefit of the friends I had made. None of them had ever tasted quite as sweet.

I stepped on a piece of glass on the stony ground, and it shattered.

_Why am I thinking about her?_

The side of my brain which always found it necessary to argue replied.

_School starts tomorrow; you'll have to deal with this._

The desperation that compelled me to run the now unfamiliar path to Lily's charming, attractive house was driven by a sudden and sickening terror that I might never see her again outside the walls of the place where I had once lost everything that mattered. In order to live, I knew I had to see her.

And yet, I felt in a sense, as my legs propelled me forwards like they never had before, like I was dying. Fear had taken hold. I was, yet again, a year after having rid myself of weakness, a spluttering man with needs beyond anything I could satisfy alone.

_Fuck_.

I stopped outside her home, where she surely laid peacefully inside at such an hour. The moon was my only witness as I slid to the pavement like some drunken vagabond and crouched there with my head in my hands.

I rolled up my sleeve and looked at the mark on my forearm. It was strange to think that mere hours earlier I had been unblemished by any mark.

_Except the invisible ones she's left you with_, I thought.

I now became a mere commentator of my own actions. I realised that I no longer had control. I watched as my arms, suddenly strong and able, seized the branches of the vines that covered the front wall of the house. My body lurched upwards and climbed, unstoppable, until it reached the height of Lily's window.

All I knew was an insane giddiness as my disobedient hands wrenched open the window, which had been left slightly ajar in the heat of summer nights, and I tumbled in.

I immediately straightened. I felt seething anger – volatile anger. This had not been an act of my own will. I had lived the last year under the guidance of my own unbending will. It was gone, and I had nothing. Lily was sitting up, in her bed, watching me.

Blindness became me, and my vision extended only to her. It was apparent, then, that she still held the power to disfigure and disable me, when we had not even spoken a single utterance to each other for over a year. It had been the best year of my life. The shock in her eyes, and my panting, signalled the end of such a year as the majesty of the moon-cast shadows underscored my own frailty and weakness.

Her hair fell down around her and framed what it was that moved me most in this world. It had struck me as a young boy. It now struck me, hard, as a young man.

She seemed frozen to the spot. My eyes bore into hers, and I felt her trepidation, her anger, her shock, her hurt. She held my gaze, and me, motionless.

Lily could not have known it, but I would have forgone all else that existed if I could be this close to her, and live this moment, forever more.

Her eyes took in my trembling body.

She shifted slightly towards one side of her large bed.

Our sanity, I believe, depends essentially on a narrowness of vision – the ability to select the elements vital to survival, while ignoring the great truths. The magnitude of what I felt at that moment, as she invited me to her, told me that the woman before me brought me into being. This, in turn, brought about strange, unthought-of needs. Breathing suddenly became difficult without her. I knew I would cease to live if I did not hold her. I must hold her. In a disarray of confusion and clarity, I at least knew I was sane.

I moved towards the bed, heavy, like some terrible animal, as my clothes fell away from me.

The contrast of the warmth of her skin against mine, which felt like ice, seemed to intensify the divide which tore me between the two separate beings that wrestled for my occupancy.

Engulfing her in my body seemed like the most primitive instinct ever felt by man. Her body was essential. I began to feel what had enraged me in our fifth year – the desire to control her. To master her. No longer was she Lily Evans, and I Severus Snape, but she was something I could not bear the absence of. All parts of her, I felt, must feed my need.

Love was something too intellectualised, too acutely specific, for what I felt. It was something to question later.

In the darkness of her room she did not see the scars of my forearm as it held her towards me. She lay with her back towards me, and I with my arms bringing her as close to me as was possible; her red hair a cushion to my head. I breathed her. She therefore became the most basic necessity of my surivival; my oxygen. She could not be allowed to escape me again. I needed her.

I felt my hands on her bare skin, for she, like me, wore no clothes. I felt pain as my stained, tainted hands corrupted the purity that was her. Her goodness was submerged by me and all that I had done that was evil. Hands which had been coloured with the blood of men now devoured her.

For a brief and terrifying moment, I felt that I must have her. I felt the need to rip, tear, and force. It was only what she did to me with such ease, again and again, wasn't it? I felt my powerful body; my muscles, against her defenceless femininity. When her mouth opened to speak the first words that had graced me in a over a year, though, the desire passed.

"It's your birthday." Lily whispered.

I had not known, nor did it seem remotely important, except I would now remember this day for the magnificent cleansing which I felt wash over me – which her forgiveness had wrought. It would no longer be recalled as the day wherein I became a member of any particular society. That all seemed distant, forgettable, pathetic, when I regarded the beauty before me.

"You remembered."

I leant forward and kissed her neck lightly. I kissed it in the same place where she had once kissed mine. I wondered if it would someday become the indication of desperate desire for her that it had, inevitably and inexplicably, become for me.

She slept the length of the night, without stirring, in my arms. She held one of my hands with interlocking fingers. I considered that I was only now waking from what had been an intensely long slumber of my own. She felt like a spark just beginning to ignite.

One of the only things my mother had ever taught me, was that fire was dangerous, and that it should never be played with.


	14. With So Little To Be Sure Of

**Please R&R.**

* * *

_The war commences, the enemy awaits  
In quivering expectancy.  
The poor defences, the penetrable gates,  
How terrible to be a woman._

_- 'Bang!' by Stephen Sondheim_

Stepping through the large, stone arch and hard, thick wooden doors sent a shiver down his spine whilst the hairs on the back of his neck stood to attention. He was back at Hogwarts. A new school year was beginning. His last.

* * *

Lily filed into the Great Hall with James on one side and Remus on the other. Following behind them closely were Sirius and Peter, arguing, as usual. 

"It'll be Prongs. For sure." Sirius said loudly.

Peter scoffed. "How could it not be Moony? Professor McGonagall has basically been gearing him towards it the past seven years!"

"Moony's too much of a bookworm." Sirius quipped. Remus continued walking and said nothing, whilst Lily rolled her eyes. Sirius quickly poked Remus in the back, making him squirm.

"Oh come on – I'm only joking! Maybe it _will_ be you!"

Remus smiled distantly and glanced sideways at James. "Unlikely."

James stretched his arms out in front of him and smiled lazily at Lily. "Yeah, well, what can I say? The idea of adjourning, private quarters for Lily and I was too attractive a prospect for me not to buck up."

"Don't get your hopes up. I don't see how they could give me head girl after all the detentions I've had." Lily replied.

"You've had one!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Four." Lily corrected him. She conveniently omitted the 'with Snape' part of the sentence.

"What for?" James asked, watching her.

"Missing lessons. Mostly."

"_Alone_? What could you possibly have been doing-" Peter began, stupidly.

"Not alone." Lily said, a little too hastily, and was thankful to have reached the Gryffindor table, to avoid having to explain further.

Lily had blocked Snape out of mind since their brief meeting two days ago, the second last night of Summer. He had held her like he had needed her. It had been such a relief to be with him again – their silence since 'mudblood' finally ended. It was with a slight absurd embarrassment that she recalled the intimacy they had shared – now, back in Hogwarts, at school – it seemed too complicated, too adult. She deeply regretted allowing Snape back in – she had a boyfriend – James.

'Boyfriend'. She almost smiled, as she surveyed the students watching Dumbledore's welcome – at how ridiculous; how youthful and meaningless that seemed in comparison to –

_Eye contact is a startling thing_.

There he was, staring right into her from across the hall. She stared back, at first shocked, then challenging.

They were separated by the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, but she was at least looking at him. As far as Snape could process what was happening – this struck him as an improvement. She hadn't so much as looked in his direction the last year and half. She looked radiant. Just as alluring as she had been two days before – when Snape's desire to be near her had broken his willpower into obsidian shards.

A million currents seemed to pass between them. Snape couldn't hear Dumbledore speaking – instead, he felt contained in a sort of muted bubble. All he could see was her. He imagined what her breathing sounded like.

She looked shocked.

Soon, though, Snape's eyebrow twitched in a questioning sort of way, and Lily's green eyes began to glint almost mischievously. Nothing in her face changed, but Snape had known Lily's eyes so well that he could detect their slightest change in tone, colour or emotion.

It was Snape's turn to be shocked. Lily being mischevious – the most natural thing in the world since he was but ten and she nine – but now, unfamiliar due to their separation. His heart stopped beating for a moment as he raised an eyebrow fully, testing the waters, unsure if it was forgiveness she was offering. Friendship, even.

_Don't get your hopes up_.

Oh how Lily missed him so. She had forgotten how he could make her feel so much with the slightest expression or gesture. The corner of her mouth raised slightly and she tried not to smile, even though her body wanted to, desperately.

Snape grinned. This was so unusual that Mulciber actually noticed and looked over at him, worriedly. Snape saw him and swallowed his happiness, forcing himself to look towards the head table, where Dumbledore was rambling on about the Forbidden Forest.

He left a few seconds before daring to look back in Lily's direction. She was staring his way, her chin cupped in her hand, and a lop-sided smile on her face.

_Beautiful_, Snape thought, before he caught sight of Potter's hand, holding her free one, on top of the table.

He felt sick. He looked back at Lily, and saw her eyes relent for a second, as if to apologize. Suddenly the impasse was broken as the Great Hall erupted into cheers.

"I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" James roared, standing.

Lily almost fell off the bench in shock. About six hands immediately patted her on the back. She fell forwards over the table slightly, only to be pulled back upright by James. He kissed her unceremoniously, missing her mouth slightly, though sufficiently making her mouth 'area' wet with saliva, whilst a few gasps, laughs and cheers erupted around the Gryffindor table.

"Both head girl _and_ boy in Gryffindor." Regulus Black spat from next to Snape, "It shouldn't be allowed."

"And whilst celebrations will undoubtedly and deservedly take place this evening, Mr. Potter-" Dumbledore chuckled slightly, but upon seeing McGonagall's pursed lips and horrified expression, straightened and added quickly "- one would be wise to follow the school's policy in that such un-restrained displays of affection are sadly, not prohibited."

James shouted loudly "Sorry!", whilst shaking hands with about ten people, and before giving Sirius the thumbs up.

Remus looked at Lily, who was only just realising what had happened.

"Congratulations." He smiled genuinely, and Lily muttered a thank-you, now slightly annoyed that she had been kissed – messily – in front of the entire school.

James finally sat down, having taken a bow. People began to tuck into the delicious and plentiful food that had just appeared. James took it upon himself to pour Lily a glass of lemonade.

"Darling!" He said, handing it to her.

He took his own glass, and raised a toast. "To us!" He exclaimed, and despite herself – despite everything, Lily smiled at his enthusiasm and happiness.

She was head girl.

When she had the first opportunity, she looked to find Snape, an apologetic expression creeping onto her face.

He was buried in conversation at the Slytherin table. His head was bowed slightly, his black hair covered his face, his knuckles were white as his hands clasped each other uncomfortably on the table.


	15. Here We Are Again

**Please R&R.**

* * *

She was head girl. He was angry.

Potter was celebrating in the Gryffindor common room. He was fawning over Lily, constantly having his arm around her, kissing her on the cheek, hugging her, grinning.

The seventh time James boasted their new adjourning suites on the fifth floor to everyone, Lily grew tired of the common room frenzy, and asked if he wanted to actually go and visit their new rooms.

"What? Oh, yeah, yeah, later." This was the non-committal reply she received.

"Ok, well, I'm going to take my stuff there then."

"Now?" James asked, puzzled. With a butterbeer in hand, slouched on a sofa, and about twenty other students surrounding him, he had never looked so at home.

"Yes, I'm tired!" Relenting slightly, she added, "I mean, I didn't actually realise we'd have responsibilities as heads – showing the first years around really took it out of me." She smiled.

"You thought it'd be one big party, hey?" James laughed. "Me too!"

Lily messed his hair, before grabbing her case from upstairs and making her way to the fifth floor. It was past midnight now, but she laughed slightly, realizing that she couldn't get in trouble for being out after hours – _she_ was supposed to be on patrol to punish other students!

He was so very, very angry.

The candlelight didn't stretch far enough down the wall to illuminate Snape, so instead he was shrouded in darkness as he leant against the wall, roughly opposite Lily's new room.

Lily approached where she knew the head girl and boy suites to be, expecting a doorknob or handle – only to find a portrait of a voluptuous witch, donning flashy indigo robes as she leant against a stone pillar with a cocktail in one hand. She watched Lily glance along the wall, confused, for a while.

"Need any help?" She asked eventually.

Lily jumped, startled. She squinted at the witch.

"Oh, hello!"

"Hi…"

A silence followed.

The witch reiterated. "Need any help?"

"Oh! Right, yes…. Well, I'm looking for-"

"Your new accommodations. Lily, isn't it?"

Lily nodded.

The witch waited a while, before barking, "Aren't you going to ask me my name? Charming!"

"Sorry!" Lily quickly gushed.

Snape let out a soft, quiet laugh. Lily glanced down the corridor, but saw it empty.

"What's your name?" Lily asked.

"Desiree Lapine. And your room lies behind my portrait."

"May I enter then? I'm ready to move in." Lily smiled.

"Certainly. First you must create a password, so only you will be able to have access to your quarters." Desiree eyed Lily's messy hair and dishevelled robes with a certain degree of unfamiliar disdain.

Lily thought for a moment. She grinned. "Professor Slughorn."

"Excuse me?" Desiree asked, sceptically.

"That's my password. Slughorn." Lily replied.

Desiree bowed her head. "Oh-" she remembered, "do I have your permission to relay the password to the head boy? It is custom for the head boy and girl to have access to each other's rooms."

"Uh… No." Lily smiled sheepishly. "Don't want to lead him on too much!"

Desiree did not laugh.

Lily waited a moment, before asking, "Can I enter now?"

"Yes, but you may want to know," Desiree began, shifting her gaze down the corridor slightly, "that there is a young man who I assume is waiting to see you."

Lily span around, squinting, and caught sight of a figure, clad in black, a little way down.

"James! I thought you were 'too tired'!" She scoffed.

Snape stepped out of the shadows, his gaze fixed on the floor. Desiree rolled her eyes.

Lily froze, and immediately felt embarrassed, upset, guilty, and oddly – nervous.

"Slughorn." She whispered, spinning around to face the portrait. Desiree nodded, regarding Snape with apprehension and a little curiosity. The portrait swung the door open. Lily picked up her case and started to move inside, not wanting whatever was going to happen to happen.

"Wait." said Snape softly.

Lily's body felt rigid as she stopped where she was.

Emotion overwhelmed him. She wouldn't even turn and face him. She wouldn't look at him.

"Look at me… please…."

Lily bit her lip.

"Please… _Lily_…"

He could have been ten again; the way he said her name. Lily felt her eyes water at the memory, so sharp in contrast to what they had become. She turned on the spot, dropping her case unceremoniously.

"What, Snape? What? Look, you know how it is. You know that James and I-"

"Snape?" His black eyes glimmered dangerously as he took a step forward. "_Snape_?"

Lily's laugh was cold and full of mirth. "Well what do you expect?" Her temper flickered. "No really – what do you expect? You spend less and less time with me, then humiliate me in front of everyone; completely push me away! How do you think that made me feel?"

"Why this now?" Snape whispered. "I came to you two days ago, and you – you _forgave me_."

Lily looked away. It was a question she couldn't answer. But how dare he ask it – when he had been the one to ruin everything?

"I don't have to discuss this with you." Lily spat, retreating into her room.

Snape immediately felt desperate fear – the pain of seeing her walk away from him again. He could not let it happen.

He lunged out and grabbed her arm forcefully, wrenching her towards him. Lily whimpered slightly, causing Snape to recoil as if hurt himself.

She stood there, staring at him, an appalled look on her face. Again she turned to walk inside.

"Lily stop it! STOP IT!" Snape's voice was wavering as he spoke and his hands were balled into small, quivering fists. "PLEASE!" He took a step towards the doorway. "I'm sorry!... _I'm so sorry_… for everything." He croaked.

Lily's free hand held her eyes and forehead, as though willing it all to go away.

She faced him, and, forcing a smile on her face, said, "Fine. It's fine. I forgive you."

Snape stammered, "You – you do?"

"Yes… Goodnight."

"Is that it?" Snape asked, confused and affronted.

Lily surveyed him. His hands were balled, his robes were askew, his hair was a greasy, angry mess, and his eyes were wide. He was shaking.

Lily sighed. "Snape, what do you want from me?"

_Pang. Again. The knife through the gut._

Snape seemed to teeter on the edge of desperation, mirth and fury.

"_I want it to be like it was!_"

"And what was it like?" Lily asked, an odd grimace on her face and her tone sorrowful.

"How can you ask me that? We were best friends." He glanced at the floor quickly then looked over Lily's face. "You are my best friend."

Lily shook her head. "Not anymore."

"Not that much has changed." Snape muttered. He took a step closer to Lily; they were now inches apart. "It can still be the same…" His eyes bore into hers.

He knew what he was saying was a lie. So much had changed. He had the dark mark tattooed onto his forearm. Lily had not seen in two days ago.

"You're still Lily. I'm still – I'm still… Severus. _Sev_."

Lily looked at the figure before her. He was not her Sev. He was tall, cold, dark. His body had felt to her, two nights ago, unfamiliar. His hands were not those she used to hold as they walked together in the woods, and his arms were no longer stringy and weak.

"You're a different person." said Lily.

Snape found himself dizzy at their close proximity. He didn't know where to look. Her eyes – her hair – her nose… His gaze roved down to her lips. It stayed there a fraction too long.

Lily shifted slightly.

Snape's eyes flew back up. "I'm the same," he breathed, "I'm the same."

He took her hand, causing her to flinch, but lifted it into the light of the nearby candle. He ran his thumb along each of her knuckles, before intertwining their fingers.

"You feel the same." He said softly. "So do I."

"More rough…" Lily said, bringing her other hand forward to stroke his fingertips. She was being swept up by this and she knew it. "More old." She added, a smile creeping onto her face as she, almost girlishly, looked up into his face.

Snape's mouth twisted into a small smile. "Well, I am older – this I cannot deny. But I am not _so_ old…" His words became more an underscore of his movements – his hand reached out slowly to touch Lily's cheek.

The rush for both was the most natural, familiar sensation in the world – and at the same time; more dangerous and new.

A blush spread across Lily's cheeks. Snape relished it.

"See?" he whispered. His eyes seemed to encourage her, and after a few moments, Lily realised that Snape was trying to read her.

But it didn't feel the same as when he would usually practise his legilimency on her. Suddenly a shiver went down her and she heard his voice in her head, as if a connection existed between the two of them.

"_We can be the same…_" He was saying to her, though his mouth was not moving.

It was all too much. Two years. Now, within the space of two days, this.

Lily's arms flew around him and she sobbed into his chest for a while that to both felt like an eternity.

Snape willed himself to be brash. He kissed her forehead – though he longed to kiss much more. He wanted to help her heal. He wanted to comfort her.

"Go to bed, Lily, it's late."

She looked up at him to see a smile.

"God." She gushed, trying to wipe at tears. "I'm head girl – I'm supposed to be telling you to go to bed."

"If you're inferring that you have some sort of authority over me now…" He said, picking up her case and handing it to her.

She took it, and took a step back into her room. "I do." She grinned.

Snape started to walk away down the corridor. He swivelled around, walking backwards, and even in the dim light Lily could see his eyebrows quirk into their infuriating arrogance.

"Try to use it…" He smirked. "And I'll tell Slughorn that he's your special, secret password."

And he was gone. And Lily was standing in her doorway, staring down an empty corridor. And it had all begun again.

And Desiree was wishing that the previous head girl and boy were back.


	16. Merrily We Roll Along

**Hey guys, sorry for the delay. Hope everyone had a nice xmas and good new years! Please keep reviewing, really keeps me going. Finally - hope you like it!

* * *

**Snape walked into the dungeons for Potions the following day. Upon entering, however, he immediately noticed that something looked different about the place. 

Lily was rummaging through her satchel, sitting in the front row, alone. The row had not been occupied since the end of fifth year, when Lily had moved to sit next to Lupin, and Snape too had abandoned their old seats to sit in solitude at the very back of the dungeon, where he found he worked almost as well as he had done with Lily as his partner.

He assumed her eyesight was going, and so she needed to sit closer to the board, and that she was saving the empty seat next to her for Lupin, or Alice, or another of her Gryffindor girlfriends. Potter, of course, had been forced to drop Potions, as his grade was no-where near good enough for Slughorn to allow him to pursue it as a NEWT.

_Thank Merlin_.

Lily looked up as Snape entered and smiled widely. Snape nodded his head as a greeting, and began to walk towards his seats, at the back of the dungeon.

"Sev! Where are you going?" Lily whispered.

Snape spun around, half confused, half dizzy that she had just called him Sev. He couldn't believe that he had actually been forgiven.

"To sit down."

Lily waved her arm over the seat next to her.

"That's what chairs are for, genius."

Snape frowned and took a few steps towards her. Half expecting Potter to jump out of nowhere and hex him, he glanced around the room. Lupin, who had just entered, was watching curiously from where he and Lily had been sitting the last year.

Snape sat gingerly. Watching Lily out of the corner of his eye as she began humming and setting up a few standard ingredients, he realised that he really did not know what to say. He hadn't had much practise in the art of conversation recently.

Snape sat still, watching Lily drop some base skewerton juice into their shared cauldron, preparing to get started on the anti-venom Slughorn had set them.

"Look," Lily said, rolling up her sleeves, "if you're suddenly crap at potion-making, I can find a new partner."

The word partner started buzzing around Snape's brain like a small, infuriating and hormonal bee.

Snape smiled slightly and rolled up his own sleeves, ready to start cutting up the roots of asphodel Lily had collected.

About ten seconds into the work he realised that on the underside of his forearm was a grotesquely obsidian and noticeable black tattoo. His heart stopped for a few terrified moments as his arm flew under the table and he pulled down his jumper.

Lily turned her head to look at him, puzzled.

"I just – I have a cut, and I don't want it to get infected with any hellebore." Snape spluttered, trying to sound believable.

Lily rolled her eyes.

Snape tried to seem normal the rest of the lesson, but inside could not escape from the realization that Lily did not know he was now a death eater.

He couldn't even comprehend that he _was_ a death eater. It had all happened so quickly. Not even one week ago. He had yet to tell any of his Slytherin friends at Hogwarts yet – although he knew they would be impressed – he was the youngest to ever be branded a death eater, at just seventeen.

He watched Lily under the pretence of measuring the asphodel, and resolved that if she could forgive him – and she had – then she deserved to know the truth. If he ever wanted anything to become of this – then he knew he had to be honest.

At once this was both the only course of action and the one course of action that was doomed to ruin their friendship. Snape had been denouncing the death eaters for years, promising he would never join them, just for the sake of keeping her.

His thoughts were cut short by the short, fat, balding and protruding mess that was Slughorn waddling up to them.

"Can it – can it be?" He exclaimed excitedly.

Lily and Snape looked at each other worriedly.

"Are you alright Sir?" Lily asked, genuinely concerned.

Slughorn spluttered. "Hah! Better that I should be asking you two the same question!" He surveyed the pair from behind his large, walrus moustache.

"It was my understanding," he continued, "that the two of you were not, ah-" he leant in to speak to them quietly, so far that Snape had to recoil backwards slightly. "-_friends_ anymore."

The entire class was, of course, listening in.

Lily smiled up at him, and Snape marvelled at how she could actually like or show respect to such a sickening man.

"Well, sir…" Lily said, mirroring Slughorn's almost secretive tone. "We are now."

Slughorn beamed. "Wonderful!" He boomed. "My favourite little duo – back in action I daresay!"

Lily smiled and looked at Snape, who was scowling. She hit him and he forced his grimace into a weak smile.

"The rest of you now have something to really worry about! This pair consists of two of the best potion makers I've ever had the pleasure to teach! Better work more swiftly, everyone! Chirrup!" Slughorn said, chuckling his way back to his desk. Before sitting, he smiled knowingly at Snape, but Snape was too busy telling Lily that she must never hit him again to notice.

* * *

Perhaps four seconds had elapsed once the lesson had ended, before Lily was being whirled away down the corridor, a hand tightly clasped on her arm.

"TELL ME THAT WAS A JOKE!" Alice practically screamed.

"_Will you keep your voice down?_" Lily breathed, trying to smile gracefully at a first year Hufflepuff who had been almost hurled to the floor by Alice's exclamation.

"Tell me it was a joke, Lily." Alice muttered through gritted teeth.

"Look, we're friends again, and I don't care if-"

"Have you considered what this is going to do to _my life_?" Alice spat, steering Lily around a corner as they approached their DADA class.

"Covering for you during your little midnight swarees, lying to everyone about your whereabouts, and what about James' map? It says where everyone is at all times! How are you going to ever be with Snape in private – James'll know where you are! Have you thought about _that_? In fact, have you thought about James at all?!"

Lily blinked and looked at her friend's enraged face. A few seconds passed before Lily grinned widely and waved a finger in front of Alice.

"You almost had me there. Almost!"

"Shit. Yeah well… I had you going for quite a long time." Alice grinned back.

"You're such a prat it's unbelievable." Lily shook her head in amusement and annoyance.

"Don't think I'm okay with this, though! I was joking, but that doesn't mean I think this is smart. I can't say I've missed Snape's presence in my life."

"Look," Lily began, but seeing Snape walking towards them from the other end of the corridor, quickened her pace. "- we're just friends. James is still my boyfriend. Not that much has changed. And he _knows_ that."

"Yes, but does James?" Alice asked simply, knowing Lily couldn't argue back.

Lily looked at Alice, smiled, and then turned to greet Snape, who had reached them.

"Hi! Sorry about that… Alice just needed to discuss private matters with me urgently… Period problems, you know how it is."

"Hello Severus." Alice said, decidedly restrained.

"Alice." Snape replied curtly. He failed to mention that he had no idea whatsoever what these 'period's were.

"Glad to see you're back in Lily's life." Said Alice.

"I bet you are." Snape drawled.

"And I'm not glad that my two best friends are five-year olds." Lily sighed, shaking her head.

"Lily." Alice suddenly whispered, sounding urgent.

Lily looked at her quizzically before following her eyeline down the corridor, where James and Sirius were bounding towards them.

"Darling!" James roared, throwing his arm around Lily and kissing her cheek. "Where did you go last night? I came-a-calling, but some lady on your door told me I needed a password to get inside!"

Sirius nudged James. He was staring dumbfounded at Snape, who had edged away slightly, but nonetheless was still standing right by Lily and Alice.

James instinctively took a step forwards in front of Lily, and it what seemed like a lower voice, said "Has he been bothering you again, Lily?"

Snape rolled his eyes.

"No… We were just talking." Lily replied calmly.

"Hard to believe." Sirius perked up. "Everytime Snivellus opens his mouth, grease drips out. I wasn't aware he was capable of actual speaking."

Snape's eyes glistened with hatred and long suffering.

"Lily, I'll see you later." He said, taking a few steps backwards and turning to enter their DADA classroom.

"No you won't!" James barked, obviously affronted. "Lily doesn't mix with scum like you."

A collective intake of breath seemed to be taken. Snape's head dropped a fraction, and as he looked over the cold, stone floor, he thought about how much more lively it would look with Potter's face on it. Ideally with Snape's foot on top.

Snape turned around and looked at James blankly. Lily was almost shocked at his restraint. The Snape she knew would have had his wand out already.

No-one said anything. Most of their DADA class had arrived by now, but instead of filing in to the classroom, they were clotting up the corridor, watching. Even the witches and wizards in the tapestries were pointing.

"Well, if you've nothing else to say, Potter, I'll be going, exciting as this may be…" He again began to turn, but stopped upon seeing Sirius remove his wand from his robes.

"Sirius, put it away!" Lily exclaimed. "Grow up. James, we were only talking." She walked out from behind James, but James grabbed her hand and wheeled her around.

"You two aren't talking. He called you a mudblood." James said, and his tone sounded half like a plea, half like an order.

A few gasps sounded at the word, whilst Snape winced at the memory.

"Mudblood! What are children like these days…" An old witch muttered from her painting a little way down the corridor.

"We're more than talking." Snape said flatly, though his eyes glinted momentarily, and James noticed.

"No you're not." He said, taking a step forwards.

Lily realised that quite a few things had changed since their last fight, which had been over a year ago. Firstly, Snape had more control. He seemed older. Something about him almost seemed threatening. And whilst James had a reasonable physique, Snape was now a good head taller than him. It changed the dynamic somewhat.

Snape looked over James at Lily, who looked back at him apologetically.

"Oh aren't we?" Snape asked, his gaze returning to James. "You'd better ask your girlfriend about that one, Potter."

He turned and briskly entered the classroom. James followed suit, ready to continue the discussion, wand out, but Professor Banestra was already inside.

The lesson passed slowly and painfully. James shot daggers at Snape throughout, and kept trying to ask Lily what was going on, with the result of 20 points deducted from Gryffindor for his disruptions and noise.

When class ended, Snape was the first to leave, unwilling to get into another embarrassing public argument where he risked losing his temper. Lily ran after him.

"Sev!" She called. He stopped walking, turning back to look at her.

"Maybe you should think about asking your boyfriend to loosen your leash slightly." Snape spat.

Lily stopped. "Excuse me?" She asked, thinking she had misheard.

"In fact, maybe you should think about getting a new boyfriend." Snape snarled. "If he isn't going to let you talk or, dare I insinuate such a thing, befriend people clearly not up to his mighty standards-" he paused, fumbling slightly over his words, "-then maybe you should look for someone a little better."

"Obviously he'll take a little getting used to the idea of us-"

"-Well yes, obviously, since you thought it'd be fun not to tell him." Snape glanced up, seeing James, Sirius and Alice approaching them, and instantaneously stormed off down the corridor just before James could reach them.

"What's going on?" James immediately demanded.

"Why are you so pig-headed?" Lily shot back. "I'm allowed to talk to whoever I want, James."

"We're looking out for your best interests, Lily!" Sirius exclaimed. "You don't want to be friends with some low-life-"

"-Smelly…" James added.

"Evil…"

"Putrid…"

"Ugly…"

"Death eater wannabe!" James finished. "That's all he is and you know it!"

Lily folded her arms. "Oh shut up – he's not any of those things anyway."

"Oh come now – you can't deny he's ugly." Sirius chimed.

"You two – are baboons." Alice said, taking Lily's arm. "Goodbye."

"Don't get involved, Alice." James sneered.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Look. Snape apologized to me, and he means it. He's my best friend."

"So what am I?" James asked, put out.

"At the moment, just some berk I go to school with." Lily smirked, and started walking towards the Great Hall for dinner.

"Boyfriends are more important than friends, Lily! Remember that!" James shouted after her.

* * *

The next day, Lily apologized to Snape, after finding him in the library in the afternoon.

"Guess who." Lily said, having sneaked up behind Snape, who was sitting at a desk between bookshelves in the emptier section of the library, and covering his eyes with her hands.

"Horace Slughorn."

"You wish."

"_You_ wish."

"Fantasies are the sign of a healthy sexual being." Lily said, knowingly.

Snape raised his eyebrows.

"If you could remove your hands…"

Lily did, and squatted next to Snape.

"Hey… I knew I'd find you here." Said Lily.

"How?"

"No-one else ever comes to the Austrian potion maladies aisle." Lily smiled.

Snape was silent.

Lily sighed, before saying, quickly, "I'm sorry. Sorry I didn't tell James. That was stupid."

"James…" Snape said the word as if he were mulling over the taste of a fine wine. "James…" He bowed his head slightly. "I'm not used to you calling him 'James'."

"Well, it'd be a bit of a formal relationship if we only called each other by surnames." Lily said. She smiled, though this time slightly uncomfortably.

"So it's an 'informal' relationship?" Snape asked, not looking at her.

"No – that's not what I meant. I mean – it is – it _is_ serious." Lily mumbled.

"Ah."

Snape put his quill on the table.

"So, what's involved in this relationship, then? Does he kiss you?" Snape's voice was cold, unfeeling.

It seemed too difficult for him to ask the question "Do you kiss?". He couldn't truly comprehend the idea that their relationship was in anyway instigated or enjoyed by Lily.

"Sev…" Lily began, quietly.

"What? This is what friends talk about, isn't it? Does he kiss you?" His voice was slightly louder now, slightly more challenging.

"If you mean 'do we kiss', then yes. Sometimes I even – kiss _him_."

Snape laughed mirthlessly. "I am sure you do."

Lily, who was still squatting down next to Snape, started to rise.

"Lily," Snape said suddenly, urgently, "I'm sorry. Sorry. This is just – it's new to me. Have a little understanding."

"I do." She replied seriously, "I just wish you would, too." She put a hand on his thigh, as if to comfort him.

Snape jerked slightly, and Lily removed her hand.

"Sorry." He muttered quickly. He glanced over his desk, and grabbed the nearest chocolate frog. He passed it to Lily. "And – I will. I will. Just give me time."

She smiled and took the frog. It leapt onto her shoulder.

"Yuck!" She screeched. "You know I hate these things!"

Snape smiled and Lily stood. She patted him on the shoulder lightly before leaving.


End file.
